It’s a wrap on Week 1 of the BQBL playoffs, and I’m sure you all followed the rules to the letter, right? What? You completely disregarded them and did your own thing? That’s cool. We’re laid back here at The Triangle — and we're too full from the holidays for discipline. That ham was good. It was almost as good as watching the definition of “Tebow Time” morph from “miraculous comeback” to “devastating defeat.”
Despite their best efforts, T.J. Yates, Tyler Palko, and Kevin Kolb all won NFL games this week. Not BQBL games — actual professional American football games. Yates won because a defensive hold negated his pick-six, Palko won because he was up against Caleb Hanie, and Kolb won because, well, there’s only one way to put this: Dallas coach Jason Garrett iced his own kicker. Oh yeah, you know who else won? The greatest quarterback in the history of the NFL: Timothy Richard Tebow.
Timothy Richard Tebow’s success has gone from shocking to flukey to confusing, and has finally landed on expected. I watched the Broncos-Vikings game in a bar Sunday, and as it entered the fourth quarter, every completed pass, positive run, and cutaway to Timothy Richard on the sideline was met with screams and chants of “Teeeeeebooooooooow!” There was not a single soul in the place watching another game or rooting against Timothy Richard. Now that Timothy Richard has a hold on the division lead, there is only one man, one bad quarterback on the planet who could loosen his hold on the zeitgeist — The Gunslinger, Brett Lorenzo Favre. Please, please, please return, Gunslinger. Please, Gunslinger. The Bears need you, the BQBL needs you. Besides, we all know you’re jealous of the attention Tebow is getting. We all know how much you love to see your face on ESPN.com. Just think about how good it would look on the BQBL Summer Jam Screen.
This week there was no Gunslinger, but let’s have a look at the BQBs who turned in some truly pick-tastic gunslingeryish performances:
It happened. Down 23-10 to the San Diego Chargers at the half, and in front of the home fans, Denver coach John Fox finally said: “Screw it. Things can’t get any worse. Let’s put that Tebow kid in.”
And so began the Tim Tebow Era in Denver. Tebow did his Tebowy thing. He ran quarterback draws out of the shotgun, yelled his face red after big plays, and ultimately came up short. But he did give Denver fans and Broncos BQBL owners a lot to look forward to. Denver now has a bye week, which it can use to make the Tebow package bigger, before the Broncos unleash it against the lowly Miami Dolphins. Sorry, I tried as hard as I could, but I simply can’t restrain myself from making Tebow package jokes. I am ashamed.
This week, the BQBL was filled with so much ineptitude that even Kyle Orton’s 34-yard first half, Michael Vick’s four picks, and Eli Manning’s game-losing interception couldn’t top the absolute pee puddle of a performance Kevin Kolb put together. The man who once started over Vick is now being benched in favor of the pride of Tarleton State — Richard Bartel.
As Sunday’s afternoon games were winding down, it looked as if we were headed toward a relatively quiet week in the BQBL. Aside from Tony Romo Romoing his Cowboys into another fourth-quarter collapse, there just wasn’t any one QB who stood out below the rest — until Mark Sanchez took the field against the Baltimore Ravens. Sanchez was so good at being bad Sunday night that after his second fumble was returned for a touchdown, any BQBLer with a heart stopped rooting for his failure and simply started rooting for his survival. The Ravens defense threw a party Sunday night, invited Mark Sanchez, and then treated him like a tackle dummy. They just kept viciously hitting him and hitting him until footballs were flying everywhere and his BQBL score was in triple digits.
Week 2 of the Bad Quarterback League demonstrated just how difficult it is to be an NFL QB, unless your name is Cam Newton, then it’s no big deal. We saw two benchings, two game-winning drives and two teams that were inches away from triple-digit scoring. We also had our first 24/7 points with two votes of confidence.
After Tony Romo’s fourth-quarter bed-wetting in Week 1, Cowboys owner and general manager Jerry Jones said this about his quarterback: "We are going to rise and fall based on what Tony Romo's about over the next several years, and I'm excited about that.” This is a terrifying proposal for Dallas fans, but exciting news for BQBL Cowboy owners.
On the field this week, Tony Romo and Ben Roethlisberger were redeemed, Rex Grossman was victorious and some dude named Luke McCown took his first step toward becoming the head coach of his high school alma mater’s football team. On to the scores
“This is the saddest story I have ever heard.” That’s the first line from Ford Madox Ford's novel, The Good Soldier. It’s about a disintegrating marriages in early 20th Century Europe. I am going to write a new version of that novel, using the same first line. It’s going to be about Chad Henne and his disintegrating career.
When we had the chance to have a weekly column written by Denver Broncos quarterback Brady Quinn, we jumped at the opportunity. So please enjoy: "Just Quinn, Brady," The blog of Denver's Best (Looking) Quarterback.
Hello Hello! Welcome to the first post on my first blog ever!
I am Brady Quinn (AKA B-Quiddy AKA The Bairy Queen AKA Battlestar Qualaxica) and I am extremely amped. This blog is pretty new for me, as I'm not exactly what you would call "tech savvy." I mean, I just found out about Facebook 12 minutes ago. Accidentally. While looking for videos of people getting hit in the face with phonebooks.
Lot of hub-bub around training camp on who will be the starting QB, so let me just make myself clear: I want to be a starter, and I deserve to be a starter. The numbers from last year don't lie: 4,017 passing feet, 8 touchdowns, no interceptions. And those are just the completions. Imagine when you factor in every pass I made some of those figures would be MUCH higher.
There have already been a few whispers of quarterback controversies in Seattle (Tarvaris Jackson vs. Charlie Whitehurst), Minnesota (Christian Ponder vs. Donovan McNabb, at least according to Ponder), and Miami (Chad Henne vs. whomever the Dolphins are trying to acquire on any given day). But the most mystifying is the one taking place in the Rockies, between Kyle Orton and Tim Tebow, for the chance to be the Denver Broncos' QB1.