We were made hip to this by HeyBelinda. Nothing says "I love you" like Mario …

You can find more of these on JTerrys.tumblr.com.

The story of the Premier League this weekend, told in five goals. Get some.

Adel Taarabt

QPR got its much-needed first win of the season on Saturday against Fulham. They owe the three points, largely, to the performance of Moroccan attacking midfielder Adel Taarabt. After the match, new-ish QPR manager Harry Redknapp — the man charged with saving QPR from being relegated — called the Taarabt a "top, top player." He also called him a "fruitcake," and compared him to Paolo Di Canio.

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Thurday.

• Lukas Rosol, virtually unknown in the tennis world, upset Rafael Nadal in the second round at Wimbledon, prevailing with a spectacular fifth set on center court. Things took an ugly turn late in the fourth set when Nadal began to "accidentally" dump clay that he keeps hidden in various parts of his body onto the Wimbledon grass.

Or at least let him speak his mind! On Monday, the Italian striker scored his second-ever goal for Italy, roasting Ireland defender John O'Shea with a volleyed hit to put Italy up, 2-0, on Ireland, in stoppage time, and secure their passage to the Euro 2012 quarterfinals out of Group C.

1. Mario Balotelli: Role Model
Rankonia Founding Father Chris Ryan is with you, Mario Balotelli, which means you get this week’s top spot.

"This week, Manchester City and Italian striker Mario Balotelli made headlines by declaring, ‘I will not accept racism at all. It's unacceptable. If someone throws a banana at me in the street, I will go to jail, because I will kill them.’

1. Ryan Madson, Breadwinner
When you say "YOLO," Andy Greenwald says "Butterscotch Krimpets":

"Pour out a little liquor — or at least a little baking soda — for Reds pitcher Ryan Madson. You know how stats dorks like to measure everything in baseball against replacement players? Ryan Madson is the replacement player. First the Phillies replaced him with Dropkick Murphys Stan Jonathan Papelbon, despite Madson’s agent, the dreaded Scott Boras, insisting that the Phillies had offered his client $44 million first. Then came the devastating disclosure that the closer’s UCL had been torn completely off the bone, requiring the replacement surgery known as Tommy John. But neither bit of news stung as much as the revelation that local hoagie-roll bakery Liscio’s hadn’t even waited for the ink on Papelbon’s contract to dry before replacing former spokesman Madson with hungry Houston transplant Hunter Pence. Stay strong, Mad Dog! May you return next year, stronger than ever and in a LeBron-esque carb cloud of double-zero flour. Like yeast, a good pitcher/bread spokesman can’t stay down for long."

Welcome to the first edition of Rankonia, The Triangle's power rankings. Usually these kinds of things celebrate team or individual excellence. We're going another route here — we're celebrating athletes, teams, and coaches whose performances, on or off the field, speak to us in a deep, profound way that we can only articulate through the format of ranking. If you have any nominations for next week, by all means, take it to that start-up site, Facebook, or shoot us an e-mail. To the rankings!