Watching that clip, it's hard not to think about the scene from The Natural in which Roy Hobbs's home run smashes the lights at the New York Knights' Stadium to win the pennant in a one-game playoff against the Pittsburgh Pirates.
But while it's tempting to compare the two, it's important to remember that Hobbs is a hero. Here are 11 reasons why Stanton is nothing like him, and never will be.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.
Russell Westbrook scored 28 points and Kevin Durant added 25 and 10 boards as the Thunder eliminated the Lakers and advanced to the Western Conference Finals with a 106-90 win. As he walked out of the building, Pau Gasol felt something heavy in his coat pocket. He reached in and found the hilt of a knife with a note wrapped around it. "Amigo," it said. "Mine has a blade. See you tonight. -K." He's probably just letting off steam, thought Gasol, who found himself sprinting.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports over the weekend.
The Los Angeles Clippers stunned the Memphis Grizzlies at home, winning Game 7 82-72 for the franchise's third playoff-series victory in 41 years. After the game, Chris Paul surveyed the catatonic Memphis crowd. "Are they actually stunned?" he asked. "Or do they just always look that way?"
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.
In today's installment, I'll ask a question after each recap, and then answer it in scrambled anagram form. It's up to you to decode the (punny) answer. Throw your answers in the Facebook comments, and obviously don't look down there if you want to avoid spoilers.
Chris Paul scored eight of his 27 points in overtime, leading the Clippers to a 101-97 win over the Grizzlies and a 3-1 series lead. After the game, which libertarian presidential ticket did the Clippers star announce? Lone LA-Burp
Manu Ginobili came off the bench to score 17 points as San Antonio finished a four-game sweep of Utah with an 87-81 win. What did coach Gregg Popovich call Ginobili after the game? On Moms Pure Theft
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.
Carmelo Anthony notched his second career triple-double (35 points, 12 boards, 10 assists) as the Knicks beat the Celtics 118-110. Evil Celtics forward Kevin Garnett told reporters he was impressed with Anthony's performance, but that it should only be another week or so before he starts to feel the weakening effects of long-term arsenic poisoning.
In an interview with GQ magazine, Derrick Rose admitted that he's uncomfortable with his fame in Chicago, and the lifestyle doesn't suit his personality. "It's time to start keeping a lower profile," he said, "and it begins today ... with this GQ interview."
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.
The NCAA accepted Baylor's self-imposed penalties for impermissible phone calls and text messages sent to recruits, and put the program on three years' probation. "If they think I need a phone to keep in touch with recruits, they're nuts," said men's coach Scott Drew, who then phoned his secretary demanding two Dixie cups and 100 million feet of string.
An Associated Press review of Bobby Petrino's business phone records revealed that he texted Jessica Dorrell 4,300 times over the past seven months in a relationship that resulted in Petrino's dismissal from Arkansas after the two were involved in a motorcycle accident. The texts did include photo and video content, but Dorrell would neither confirm nor deny that Petrino sent her pictures of Brett Favre's penis.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.
The Miami Marlins suspended manager Ozzie Guillen five games for positive comments he made about Cuban dictator Fidel Castro. Right before Guillen went out to address the media, a frantic PR person desperately tried to convince him to take off the green military cap and lose the cigar. "Oh come onnnn," said Guillen. "It'll be hilarious!" When the items were confiscated, he frowned and began to think.
Anyone who wants to catch Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen address his comments about Fidel Castro should probably head over to MLB.com or Marlins.com, where his remarks will be live-streamed. Or you could watch on ESPN or ESPN.com. Or wait for Twitter to blow up. Lots of options here. The press conference in Miami is scheduled to start at 10:30 a.m. ET.
In case Yu were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.
In his major league debut, Japanese phenom Yu Darvish overcame some early nerves to reach the sixth inning and help the Rangers secure an 11-5 win over the Mariners. Despite the victory, it was an unpleasant experiences for fans in Arlington, who upon hearing the name "Yu!" would turn and say, "Me?" "No, Yu," the person would respond, and the other guy would be like, "That's what I'm asking, me?" "No, I'm talking about Yu!" the first guy said, until a third guy was like, "SON OF A BITCH, HE MEANS YU DARVISH THE PITCHER! I HATE ABBOTT AND COSTELLO AND WORDPLAY SO MUCH!" And that's when the guns came out.
Second baseman Ian Kinsler said he and the Rangers have agreed to a five-year, $75 million contract. "That's $75 million for Yu," the Rangers contract negotiator said, pushing the paper forward. Kinsler eyed him suspiciously as he signed. "For me, right?" The negotiator made a head motion that was almost like a nod. "All for Yu," he said, as he grabbed the signed contract. "Wait ... did I just sign over $75 million of my own money to Yu Darvish?" asked a panicked Kinsler. "Don't be Darvish-culous," said the negotiator as he sprinted out the door.
Welcome to the inaugural edition of Grantland's weekly MLB Power Rankings. Every Monday we'll size up all 30 teams, evaluating each one based on a combination of recent play, overall team quality, and statistical spelunking.
We've already established the limitations of small samples and how tough it is to glean useful information from one game. But occasionally, we can in fact learn some things from a single game, when we're watching something we've never seen before. For Wednesday night's Marlins-Cardinals game (Cardinals 4, Marlins 1), that something was Marlins Park.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.
In the first major league baseball game of the regular season on American soil, Kyle Lohse pitched six no-hit innings and lasted into the eighth as the St. Louis Cardinals beat the Miami Marlins 4-1. It was the first regular-season game in the new Marlins Park with the new Miami name, and it led to this conversation:
Armed with a shiny, taxpayer-funded new stadium green-lit by feckless government officials, the Marlins decided they'd finally spend some money this offseason. The plan went as follows: Get Albert Pujols, get Jose Reyes, get one of the best starting pitchers on the market, get one of the best closers on the market.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.
Philip Rivers threw for 294 yards and three touchdowns as the Chargers snapped a six-game losing streak with a 38-14 win over the Jaguars. "It's disappointing not to make it to seven," said Chargers coach Norv Turner, "but … wait, is this the playoffs?"
Let's start with this: The Marlins signing Jose Reyes to a six-year, $106 million contract is a welcome sight, if only because it means they're finally spending money, after years of claiming losses that didn't exist.
Those allegedly phony loss claims, coupled with hoodwinking local government into building a new stadium in a deal so shady that the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission is now investigating, had become the public image of the organization. With one big deal, all that's been set aside, leaving us to talk about the actual baseball team and its chances for success.
