In case you were busy finding a Belgian who could fence $50 million worth of diamonds, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.
Indiana got its first win in East Lansing since 1991 with a hard-fought 72-68 win over the Michigan State Spartans. Missed free throws down the stretch hurt the Spartans, as they went 2-for-6 from the stripe in the final two minutes of the game. "I could just feel [Indiana head coach] Tom Crean looking at me as I was at the line," said MSU guard Gary Harris, who missed a chance to tie the game at the line after being fouled on a 3-pointer. Harris went on to explain, "I'm from Indiana and the guy recruited me hard, and I really wanted to go to IU, but then you see him smile, and it's not a real full smile, it's like a creepy half smile. And you start looking at his hairline, and the way it goes way back but he still gets all that volume in his hair, and you start realizing something ain't right. And then you realize Tom Izzo looks kind of the same, and so does Calipari, and so does Pitino, and you start to wonder whether your trapped in some sort of nightmare, where all of the best college basketball coaches out there are the same guy. Or maybe avatars of the same demigod? And that maybe there is no free will, and you'll always end up playing basketball for Tom Crean, or whatever it is that Tom Crean represents, assuming it's supernatural, which I now do. So, yeah, I missed some big free throws, but I had a lot on my mind."
Manassas Junction, Virginia, 1861 — It's July 21, and the Civil War is about to begin for real. Union soldiers march south from Washington, D.C., to meet the Confederates, and the feeling throughout the north is that the rebels will hightail it back south after they get massacred on day one. The high muckety-mucks from D.C. — congressmen, business owners, and various other rich people — come down to picnic and watch the rout. Instead, after a long day of fighting, Stonewall Jackson and the Confederates send their enemies into a headlong retreat for Washington. As they flee north, the soldiers find the roads blocked by the panicked civilians who had come to watch the end of the pesky rebellion. And that's how the Battle of Bull Run ended.
I was a Civil War nerd as a kid, so it probably figures that while watching the Pac-12 shock the world last Saturday, I thought of Bull Run. It was the conference's best day in years, and it completely transformed their image around the country. The three ranked teams did their job, and that was expected — USC beat Syracuse, Oregon beat Fresno State, Stanford beat Duke. But the little guys did their part, too. Arizona dominated no. 18 Oklahoma State at home, Oregon State stunned no. 13 Wisconsin, UCLA outgunned no. 16. Nebraska in one of the best games of the weekend, and Arizona State destroyed Illinois. (Only Washington disappointed in the high-profile games, failing to make a dent against the Baton Rouge Tigers of the NFL's Second Division.)
There are now five Pac-12 teams in the AP top 25, and two more within sniffing distance. It's a revolution! The games were mostly at home, sure, but even under those circumstances the odds were long. Yet the mighty programs of the Big 10 and Big 12 left with their tails between their legs, fans in tow, realizing they'd underestimated the enemy. Week 2 was the Pac-12's Bull Run, and now everyone has to take them seriously.
So I'm calling it: This is the year of the Pac-12. Here are three more semi-ignorant reasons to love the rejuvenated conference.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.
President Barack Obama picked his official March Madness bracket, putting Kentucky, Ohio State, North Carolina, and Missouri in the Final Four, with the Tar Heels winning the championship. At least that's what ESPN is reporting; according to several Republican sources, Obama actually picked a Final Four of Harvard, Duke, Kim Jong-un, and the Nairobi Fake Birth Certificate Corporation, with Duke winning it all.
In the First Four in Dayton, South Florida took the fight to Cal early, running up a big lead and winning 65-54. That leaves just one team from the Pac-12 in the tournament, but conference officials are confident that Colorado will restore their honor by winning the national title.
I had to fill out my brackets Monday, so naturally I called my dad in Southern Illinois, because, you know, he taught me how to shoot a basketball (still not good at that, Dad) and I had already grilled my grandmother a day earlier. I think she likes St. Louis University, at least in the first round.
My dad, an Illinois fan, is out on Rick Pitino Louisville, seems very pro-Murray State (he says Murray gives in-state tuition for students from Southern Illinois. Is this true? Someone tell me this is true), and described Wichita State as "motivated." He also had this to say about Wisconsin's first-round opponent: "I did see a Montana game one time." OK then!
So there you go. A little free March Madness guidance from Mr. Larimer. If that's not enough, you'll also find the brackets from other Grantland editors and staffers below. I sincerely hope you win your office pool this year, but only if you've picked Mizzou to win it all.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.
The man who collected Ryan Braun's urine sample last fall said he followed the same protocol he had with hundreds of previous samples. "Okay, I'll admit it," he said, grinning, "I took a little sip. But come on, man, it's Ryan friggin' Braun! The MVP! You'd have done the same thing."
Along with a broken nose, Kobe Bryant sustained a concussion when Dwyane Wade elbowed him at the All-Star game. Wade sent his apologies, saying, "I never wanted that kind of outcome." He then took out a crumpled piece of paper labeled "The Kobe Project," crossed 'head' from the top of the list, and stared longingly at the next item, "left kidney."
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports over the weekend.
Kevin Durant scored 36 points in an MVP performance as the West beat the East 152-149 in the NBA All-Star Game. The game's defensive MVP award was given to former NBA legend Bob "Dutch" Pettit.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.
There are no more winless teams in Division 1 college basketball. Binghamton University became the last team to win a game this season, beating Vermont 57-53 and moving to 1-26 on the year. Interestingly enough, the win immediately made Binghamton the nation's best team. They beat Vermont, who beat Old Dominion earlier this season, who in turn beat South Florida, who beat Pittsburghtwice, who beat Tennessee, who beat Florida, who beat Florida State, who beat Duke, who beat Michigan State, who beat Indiana, who beat no. 1 Kentucky earlier this season, proving beyond argument that Binghamton is better than Kentucky and therefore the top team in the country.
Rodney McGruder scored 24 points as unranked Kansas State upset no. 3 Missouri on the road, 78-68. The win virtually guarantees a tournament spot to KSU, and insane Wildcat coach Frank Martin celebrated by angrily drinking a gallon of pig's blood in front of his players to teach them some kind of lesson.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports over the weekend.
Phil Mickelson out-dueled Tiger Woods by 11 shots in the final round to win the Pebble Beach National Pro-Am. At the press conference, an angry Woods said that the only reason Mickelson beat him is that he was able to stabilize his putter by nestling it between his ample breasts.
The Yankees are in trade talks with the Pirates that may involve sending A.J. Burnett to Pittsburgh. It turns out the Yankees are on the lookout for a DH and a few young prospects, while the Pirates need someone who can belch redneck anthems and get arrested for cooking meth in a motel bathtub.
1. Mario Manningham, Hands
At the risk of ostracizing myself from my employer and my hometown, I am giving this week's Rankonia scepter to Mario Manningham. I can't believe I am about to write these two words about a New York Football Giant: Nice. Catch.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.
The New York Giants arrived home yesterday, and were greeted by 200 raucous fans at their practice facility. Oddly enough, one of the wildest fans was a heavily intoxicated Rob Gronkowski.
Gisele Bundchen, the wife of Patriots QB Tom Brady, was videotaped after the Super Bowl complaining to her friends about the team's receivers. "My husband cannot f------ throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time," she said. "I know exactly how you feel," said Julie Bartoli, wife of failed juggler Lazario "Butter Hands" Bartoli.
It's come to my attention that college basketball fans prefer not to read anything negative about their favorite teams. And now that Eli Manning has ushered in the postpartisan age that President Obama could only dream of, I feel inspired to stay positive. So, for the convenience of Kansas and Missouri fans, I've divided this post into two distinct sections. Jayhawks fans should skip right to the second section, where I blame Saturday night's 74-71 loss squarely on the referees. Tigers fans should read the first section, where I credit Marcus Denmon's heroics for the epic win, and forgo section two in favor of eating an orange or being affectionate with a loved one.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports over the weekend.
The New York Giants beat the New England Patriots 21-17 in Super Bowl XLVI. And that's after viewers were inundated with patriotic propaganda, from the national anthem to a crazy Clint Eastwood ad, without ever seeing one commercial featuring actual giants. Not one!
Eli Manning, who threw for 296 yards and led the game-winning drive, was named the game's MVP for the second time in his career. "GEE WHIZ AND JEEZUM CROW!" he shouted, waving his hat around in excitement. "GOLLLLLY, THAT'S SWELL!" He then stared at the Chevrolet Corvette he won, and wondered when Peyton would take him for a ride to the dairy for some iced cream.
There’s a tradition at the University of Missouri that takes place each year after the final home football game. Win or lose, senior players make the climb up the grass-covered hill in the north end zone and choose a rock from the large white “M” built on the slope. The last game during my four years at Mizzou, against Iowa State in 2009, was also the last game for the winningest senior class in the school’s history.
I remember watching Danario Alexander and Sean Weatherspoon, the two players whose presence defined the season, each select a rock and hold it up for the crowd that had gathered. And I remember thinking that in four years, coach Gary Pinkel had won 38 games with players passed over by college football’s elite. Both Alexander and Weatherspoon were two-star recruits, according to Rivals. On Wednesday, the prize of Mizzou's recruiting class had five stars all his own. That, before he plays a down, is what makes landing Dorial Green-Beckham matter for a school like Mizzou.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.
The Giants arrived in Indianapolis for this weekend's Super Bowl, and safety Antrel Rolle said the team is "expecting to win on Sunday." At that exact moment, Tom Brady walked by and whispered, "Game's on Saturday, Einstein." Rolle smiled tightly and told reporters he knew Brady was just messing with him. But when he thought everyone was looking away, he took out his phone and glanced at the calendar. "Yup, just messing with me," he said to himself. "Knew it."
Bill Belichick told reporters that injured tight end Rob Gronkowski didn't practice on Monday. But that doesn't mean Belichick didn't put him to work — he needed all the cameramen he could get for the Giants' practice that afternoon.
In exactly seven weeks, the 2012 NCAA tournament will begin in Dayton, Ohio.
1. That is sooner than you think.*
2. It's only true if you count this newfangled "first four" as the start of the tournament.**
3. Wow! Seven weeks!***
*Unless you have a pretty firm grasp on how long a week is. Then it's exactly as long as you think. But if you think seven weeks is like four months, get ready for a big surprise, brother.
**Nonsense. The first round is nonsense and we all know it. Here's a great use of the word "nonsense" in Internet cartoon form: nonsense.
***That's sooner than you think!
What this means is that we should start speculating about which teams will take the four 1-seeds. If we wait much longer, we'll be totally unprepared to speculate when the time comes, and then they'll have to cancel the whole tournament.
So let's count down some contenders, followed by the current top dogs in the 1-seed hunt.
