I never want my eBay searches made public for all to see. I'm not ashamed of my queries, but it would just take a significant amount of time to explain some of my searches. My weekly "96 Olympics" search shouldn't raise too many red flags, but "No Limit Tank," "JNCO White Denim," and "God Shammgod" are bound to incite confusion and/or fear. Looking at someone's eBay searches isn't as invasive as stumbling onto a person's iTunes "25 Most Played," the undisputed champ of vulnerability and embarrassment, but it's awfully close.

I bring up all of this because Grantland Editor-in-Chief Bill Simmons spent some time on eBay the other day and made the foolish mistake of sending his findings around. Apparently because he thought the things he stumbled on were cool. This is a mistake, because the things you think are cool on eBay are never cool to the majority of the population. Never. These seven items that Simmons found are no different.