With free agency and the draft process revving up, there are plenty of questions for every NFL team. But for most, there's one issue that trumps the rest. This is the latest in a team-by-team look at the offseason tasks that just can't get botched.
It wasn’t too long ago that the Detroit Lions were the NFL’s latest redemption darlings. Thanks to Matt Millen’s personnel blunders and Rod Marinelli’s flat effect, the Lions finished 0-16 in 2008, with an average point differential north of two touchdowns. Throughout its history, Detroit had typically been one of the league’s most snake-bitten franchises, but this was a rock bottom of unprecedented depth.
That spring brought complete overhaul. Millen was gone three games into the 2008 season and replaced with Martin Mayhew. Marinelli was replaced with Tennessee defensive coordinator Jim Schwartz in 2009. And with the first overall pick that year, the Lions hoped to usher in a new era under Matt Stafford. The group’s first season didn’t go much better — a 2-14 finish and only one spot lower in that year’s draft — but by 2010, signs of growth were already evident. Stafford played only three games, but Detroit still managed a 6-10 finish, with seven of losses coming by one score or less.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.
Cam Newton threw for 302 yards and accounted for four touchdowns as the Panthers topped the Eagles 30-22 in Monday Night Football. After the game, fired Auburn coach Gene Chizik greeted Newton in the parking lot with a sarcastic slow clap. "Well, look at Mr. BigShot," he said with a sneer, before toppling to the ground and bruising his ribs on an empty vodka bottle.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.
Pablo Sandoval, the Kung Fu Panda, became the fourth player in MLB history to hit three home runs in a World Series game, and the Giants roughed up Justin Verlander to take Game 1 8-3. Tigers manager Jim Leyland was upset at his ace. "We told Justin that even though he may look soft and cuddly — especially when he's curled up around a bamboo shoot — he's a very dangerous creature when approached," Leyland said. "He didn't listen. There have been over 15 incidents of Kung Fu Panda home run violence this year alone, and most of them could have been avoided with a little pitcher caution."
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.
Ozzie Guillen was fired as manager of the Miami Marlins, and team officials say his positive remarks about Fidel Castro played a contributing role. As he retreated from Miami into the remote Everglades of central Florida with only a small loyal band of 19 followers (including his brother Raul Guillen and Hanley "Che" Ramirez), Guillen vowed that his fight to dominate the Florida sports scene had only just begun. He was given a hero's greeting by the Everglade peasants, and immediately set up a pirate radio station to broadcast his message into the homes of the people.
Which rapper, actor, or sandwich best describes Tom Brady? This is the type of question that you get answered on The Jalen Rose Show. We go through a list of NFL players and Jalen describes each of them based on which rapper, actor, or sandwich best represents them. It is safe to say that this is the only podcast in which you will hear in-depth analysis on how Ndamukong Suh is like a Reuben sandwich. In addition to making culinary comparisons, Jalen is also skeptical about Kobe’s 68 points in one half of a charity game, and I am skeptical about Andrew Bynum’s haircut. Sometimes the slow news days are when you can have the most fun.
1. Kellen Moore, Boise State
This week's Rankonia throne-holder comes from blue-turf enthusiast Chuck Klosterman: "Has anyone ever gotten jammed so much in one week? Boise loses one game to TCU ... yet gets sent to the unseen MAACO Bowl to play totally irrelevant Arizona State. Moore ends his career as one of the five most successful college QBs ever and doesn't even get an invite to the Heisman ceremony in New York. It's almost like the NCAA is trying to erase them from existence."
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.
After months of drama and uncertainty, sources indicate that the Big East is set to add Boise State, San Diego State, SMU, UCF, and Houston to the conference roster. No word yet on whether they'll keep the name "Big East" as an ironic little relic, or just change it to "Crapville, USA" right away.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.
Harrison Barnes scored 20 points as the no. 5 UNC Tar Heels bounced back from their loss against UNLV with a 60-57 win over no. 7 Wisconsin. I promised UNC coach Roy Williams that I'd let him write the joke if his team won, so here he is, folks, Roy Williams: "Em dadgern Badger fellers play 'at baskertballin ' so dang slow I 'uz fixin' to tie a randy mule to one dem sass-frass hitchin' posts and watch 'at sumbitch walk round 'til he got Gypsy tied and circle silly!" (Jesus, Roy, that's not even really a joke. Thanks for making me look like an idiot.)
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.
In the ACC-Big Ten Challenge, no. 2 Ohio St. embarrassed no. 4 Duke 85-63. The Buckeyes dominated every facet of the game, and Jared Sullinger led his team with 21 points. After the game, 95 percent of Duke alumni agreed that overly strict government restraints on big business were responsible for the loss. The other 5 percent were working late on Wall Street and missed the game.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.
Drew Brees threw for four touchdowns and ran for another as the Saints routed the Giants 49-24. After the running touchdown, he tried to dunk the ball over the goalposts, but was forced to settle for a finger roll when his legs failed him. In related news, Drew Brees is now Jason Kapono's favorite player.
Welcome to the first edition of Rankonia, The Triangle's power rankings. Usually these kinds of things celebrate team or individual excellence. We're going another route here — we're celebrating athletes, teams, and coaches whose performances, on or off the field, speak to us in a deep, profound way that we can only articulate through the format of ranking. If you have any nominations for next week, by all means, take it to that start-up site, Facebook, or shoot us an e-mail. To the rankings!
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.
Mike Napoli's two-run double in the eighth inning gave the Rangers a 4-2 win over the Cardinals and a 3-2 lead in the World Series. Napoli, a righty, hit his double off left-hander Marc Rzepczynski, but he should have been facing righty closer Jason Motte. Cardinals manager Tony La Russa called for Motte twice, but both times bullpen coach Derek Lilliquist misheard him due to crowd noise. Lilliquist later admitted to being embarrassed at his mistake, but was pleased to have won $300,000 gambling on a Rangers victory.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports last weekend.
Derek Holland gave up just two hits in 8 1/3 innings as the Texas Rangers evened up the World Series at two games apiece with a 4-0 win over the Cardinals. It's tempting to call his performance an "opus," but it's not worth dealing with the angry phone calls and letters from Richard Dreyfuss.
