I feel like I would get along with New Orleans coach Monty Williams. For one thing, he had a sense of humor when he got pegged with a peanut during a Hornets game against the Los Angeles Clippers at Staples Center in March. Another reason? I once saw him eating at Lawry's Carvery, which is my preferred lunch spot when I really don't have enough emotional energy to think about where to get lunch. Monty just seems like the kind of dude who does not expend unnecessary emotional energy.
However, the main reason I feel like Monty and I are on the same page is this: Monty Williams seems to truly understand Tankonia.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday
The dream semifinal is set in Australia, as both Roger Federer and Rafa Nadal won their quarterfinal matches. Nadal holds a 7-2 lead in Grand Slam matches, but Federer has promised that he's going to break out his sickest cream-colored outfit yet to just priss the hell out of Nadal. "I'm gonna priss him 'til he blushes," Federer vowed. "Just delicately flip my hair, prance around like a schoolboy, and get my priss on something severe. Ya heard?"
A source indicated that the Big East will add Navy to the football lineup in 2015. The move was reportedly made to give the conference the option to be buried at sea when it dies from sucking.
1. Christian Watford, Indiana
Call this The David Freese Rule. Anytime you actually do something that hundreds of thousands of people dream about doing from a very young age, you go to the top of Rankonia. Down two, clocking running out, playing at home against the no. 1 team in the country. If this was March Madness, Indiana would have been rocking so hard it would vanished into a parallel universe. Check how Watford freezes after his release like the Statue of friggin' Liberty, a beacon, saying, "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled Hoosier masses."
It looks like David Stern picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue. After a lengthy and contentious lockout, a brief antitrust skirmish, and the cancellation of 16 regular season games, the owners and the NBPA finally agreed to terms on a new collective bargaining agreement. The months of bad publicity quickly washed away, and then Stern stepped right into the Chris Paul nightmare, vetoing a three-team trade that would have sent the inevitably-soon-to-be-ex-Hornet Paul to the Lakers, Pau Gasol to the Rockets, and a solid core of players — Luis Scola, Kevin Martin, Lamar Odom, and Goran Dragic — to the league-owned Hornets. Meanwhile, Stern and the Hornets continue to search for a trading partner for Paul.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.
Philip Rivers threw for 294 yards and three touchdowns as the Chargers snapped a six-game losing streak with a 38-14 win over the Jaguars. "It's disappointing not to make it to seven," said Chargers coach Norv Turner, "but … wait, is this the playoffs?"
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Thursday.
Marshawn Lynch rushed for 148 yards and two touchdowns as the Seahawks beat the Eagles 31-14. Afterward, Philadelphia head coach Andy Reid was so ashamed that he shaved off his mustache and tried to disguise himself as a normal fat guy, but the plan failed when a group of Patriots fans heckled him for his foot fetish.
To complete our community service (and get off probation), we proudly present the second half of our Men in Blazers' NBA-to-English Premier League Global Football Team Support Translator. It’s our charitable attempt to ease the withdrawal pains of our basketball-loving brothers and sisters who have been so cruelly forced to go cold turkey.
Please note: This guide is objective and scientific. It’s the result of crunching data through our CDC 6600 supercomputer, which processed a series of complex variables through a proprietary MiB algorithm, punching out the below results on ticker tape.
