In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.
Ozzie Guillen was fired as manager of the Miami Marlins, and team officials say his positive remarks about Fidel Castro played a contributing role. As he retreated from Miami into the remote Everglades of central Florida with only a small loyal band of 19 followers (including his brother Raul Guillen and Hanley "Che" Ramirez), Guillen vowed that his fight to dominate the Florida sports scene had only just begun. He was given a hero's greeting by the Everglade peasants, and immediately set up a pirate radio station to broadcast his message into the homes of the people.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.
Andy Murray won his first career Grand Slam, outlasting Novak Djokovic in a five-set marathon to take the U.S. Open title. The Scottish Murray credited his win to watching the inspirational parts from Braveheart before the match, while Djokovic blamed his loss on watching scenes from the depressing Serbian silent art house film A Lifetime of Sidewalks.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports since Tuesday.
Phoenix Sun? More like Phoenix done! Steve Nash is headed to the Lakers the Los Angeles Lakers, that is. The Suns point guard worked out a sign-and-trade deal with Phoenix that will send him to L.A., where he'll chase an NBA title with a certain fellow superstar. Maybe you've heard of him: Kobe Bryant.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Thursday.
Dwyane Wade scored 40 points and LeBron James added 28 as the Heat advanced to the Eastern Conference Finals with a 105-93 win over the Pacers and a 4-2 series win. In the losing locker room, Tyler Hansbrough could barely contain a smile as he took a giant bucket of quarters out of his locker. "I guess I'll see you losers at the arcade," he yelled, strutting out the door. He poked his head back once to see if anyone was following him, but nobody was.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.
The New Jersey Devils seized control of the Eastern Conference finals, using Ryan Carter's late goal and an empty-netter by Zach Parise to beat the Rangers 5-3 and take a 3-2 series edge. Before he skated off the ice, Rangers goalie Henrik Lundqvist told the Devils that a ghost goalie was taking his place, and that anyone who scored on him would be killed in their sleep. As of press time, Parise was pacing through Jersey City in a bleary-eyed panic, blasting heavy metal on his earphones and slapping himself in the face every few seconds.