In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Thurday.

• Lukas Rosol, virtually unknown in the tennis world, upset Rafael Nadal in the second round at Wimbledon, prevailing with a spectacular fifth set on center court. Things took an ugly turn late in the fourth set when Nadal began to "accidentally" dump clay that he keeps hidden in various parts of his body onto the Wimbledon grass.

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.

• The L.A. Kings are Stanley Cup champions. For the first time in franchise history, they're taking home the title after a 6-1 rout of the New Jersey Devils in Game 6. With the end of the NHL season, Canadians allowed themselves a night of celebration before migrating to their caves this morning to begin a long hibernation. But be warned — just because they're inactive for a few months doesn't mean you can disturb them without consequence. Canadians have been known to react violently when woken from a hibernation slumber. They can rise quickly to defend themselves if they think an attack is imminent — a necessary skill, since they can't burrow underground for protection.

Sunday's French Open final was an absolute mess. Novak Djokovic and Rafael Nadal, meeting in the championship round of a Grand Slam for the fourth straight time, fought delays, poor conditions, and their own sporadic play in a match that lacked their usual high quality. Rafa took the first set 6-4 despite losing a 3-0 lead, and won a sloppy second set, 6-3. After a long rain delay, he took a 2-0 lead in the third, and it looked like he might finish the tournament without losing a set.

But the rain had taken a toll, and a huge momentum swing was in the works. Djokovic began playing his usual attacking style, hitting deep returns and dictating play with powerful forehands. Nadal's topspin, so effective at Roland Garros because of the high bounce it takes on clay, was nullified by the heavy balls and wet court. Djokovic won the next eight games, an unprecedented losing streak for Nadal on his favorite surface. And in a rare departure from his fierce on-court demeanor, he began to get frustrated. When Djokovic broke him to start the fourth set, he took one of the soggy balls and angrily threw it at (or toward) tournament referee Stefan Fransen. He was in a bad place, and he knew it. The six-time champ, trying to top Björn Borg for the most French titles of all time, wanted nothing more than to get the hell off the court before all was lost.

Lucky for him, the rain increased and the match was postponed for the night.

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.

• Kevin Durant's 34 points and 14 boards led the Oklahoma City Thunder to a 107-99 win over the San Antonio Spurs and an NBA Finals berth. A despondent Tim Duncan began his postgame comments on a melancholic note. "I used to rule the world," he said. "Seas would rise when I gave the word. Now in the morning I sleep alone … sweep the streets that I used to own." He continued in this vein for about two minutes as some reporters began to realize he was quoting a Coldplay song. The rest of them picked up on it when he sprang up for the chorus, ripped off his shirt, and pumped both fists as he sang, "I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing! Roman cavalry choirs are singing!"
• Martin Brodeur made 21 saves as the New Jersey Devils beat the Kings 3-1 to avoid a sweep in the Stanley Cup finals. Kings coach Darryl Sutter kept a brave face, but when he finally got a moment alone, after the game, he broke down weeping and called his wife. "Those decorative brooms I made?" he said. "One for each player? So festive, so vibrant? Burn them. Maybe then I'll stop dreaming like a stupid little boy. A STUPID LITTLE BOY! A STUPID LITTLE BOY! A STUPID LITTLE BOY!"

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports over the weekend.

• Tim Duncan scored 21 points and Tony Parker added 17 as the Spurs moved on to the Western Conference Dinals with a 102-99 win (and a 4-0 sweep) over the Clippers. After the win, Duncan sneaked off to the parking lot, sat in the backseat of his minivan, and filled a plastic cup to the halfway line with red wine. "This is your moment, Tim," he whispered to himself. "Enjoy." He took one sip, stared at the wine, and whispered, "Don't be a glutton" before carefully pouring the rest back in the bottle.

Rafael Nadal, Mallorcan tennis warrior, cemented his status as the king of clay over the past month with 21 straight victories on his favorite surface. On Sunday, he won his seventh Barcelona Open and attained one of those goofy arcane milestones that manages to tell a story of longevity and dominance; he's now the only player in the Open Era to win two different tournaments seven times.

A week ago, he won his eighth-straight Monte Carlo Masters title, and he did it in noteworthy fashion, by beating Novak Djokovic. Over the past two years, Djokovic has emerged as the best player in the world, and he's been the bane of Nadal's existence. In fact, Rafa's victory at Monte Carlo was his first over Djokovic in eight tries dating back to 2010. (Overall, Nadal owns a 17-14 advantage.)

As of now, there are three distinct phases to Nadal's career:

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports over the weekend.

• The Clippers finished with a 28-3 run to stun the Grizzlies 99-98 in Memphis and take a 1-0 lead in the first round of the NBA playoffs. It didn't help matters that a fatigued Zach Randolph spent the final eight minutes in a laundry bin, rowing himself up and down the court with a broom he stole from the custodial closet.

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports over the weekend.

• On Saturday, Philip Humber tossed baseball's 21st perfect game in a 4-0 White Sox win over the Mariners. After the game, the ghost of Ford Frick rose from the dead and placed an asterisk next to Humber's accomplishment, saying, "ooooo-ooo-ooo, the Mariners suck, ooo-oooo-oooo."

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports over the weekend.

• Novak Djokovic outlasted Rafael Nadal in the longest Australian Open championship in history, winning in five sets to capture his third straight Grand Slam victory. After the final point, Djokovic ripped off his shirt and pounded his chest as he screamed in the direction of his family. "I just wanted to make sure the crowd still despised me," he explained. "It was getting dicey after that inspiring victory."

• Despite holding a third-round lead, Tiger Woods faltered to finish third in the Abu Dhabi HSBC Championship, losing to British golfer Robert Rock. Following the loss, Tiger Woods could be seen at a pay phone near the clubhouse, saying, "Elin, accept charges, it's me … I'm going to be a little short this month, hon … sorry, sorry. I won't call you that. Sorry."

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.

• The Lakers used 12 fourth quarter points from Kobe Bryant to rally for a 96-91 win over the Clippers. After the final whistle, scuffles broke out on the floor when Pau Gasol patted Chris Paul on the head. "I don't know if Pau's got kids, but don't touch my head like I'm one of your kids," said an angry Paul. "I don't have kids," responded Gasol. "Yet." Then he winked at the camera, and held up a placard with his phone number and a picture of a rose.

• Rafael Nadal continued his Grand Slam dominance over Roger Federer, winning in four sets to advance to the Australian Open final. Rafa is now 8-2 over his rival in the Grand Slams, and 18-9 overall, leading to the odd situation where Federer is the greatest player of all-time, and yet only the second-greatest of his own era. "It's a historian's nightmare!" shouted a frantic historian, fumbling with his glasses and tripping over a pile of history books.

Editor's Note: During this year's Australian Open, 12-and-under consolation bracket pioneer Rembert Browne is reporting back after each round with the things you missed while you were sleeping, at Sundance, or changing your name from Billy Cundiff to Joe Flacco II.

The Australian Open is one of my favorite sporting events, because for almost 15 years now, I've set my alarm for 3 a.m. to wake up, turn on the television, and watch the matches in real time. I don’t know why this happens — apparently something to do with daylight, time zones, and kangaroos — but that's the way it's always been, and I love it. Anyway, because most normal American humans aren't staying up to watch the first round of the Open in the middle of the night, I figured I would throw on a Le Coq Sportif warm-up suit, sit in front of my TV, and then report back.