Every year, as the NFL draft process drags on, a handful of players spark the same conversation about what evaluators should trust. Most often, they’re debates about the importance of 40 times or three-cone drills compared to what a player has put on film during three or four years of a college career. The consensus is often that the latter takes precedence. Few positions in the NFL are ever required to run far in a straight line, and if the tests and the tape have disparate results, falling back on 30 games is safer than falling back on 40 yards.
There are cases, though, when the stopwatch has been enough to scare teams off. Terrell Suggs’s final season at Arizona State included 24 sacks, still an NCAA record. When the draft process began that spring, Suggs was a top-five talent based on the film, but when he turned in a pair of 40-yard dashes in the 4.8 range, doubt started creeping in. Suggs went 10th overall to the Ravens, and we know what’s happened since.
This year's version of that player is Georgia’s Jarvis Jones. In college, Jones was a two-time All-American and probably the best defensive player in a conference littered with them. He can rush the passer, track down ball carriers, and has a knack for big plays. There was a point, before players were putting on track spikes, when he was considered by some to be the best player in the draft. Now, at the end of March, a suspect 40 time and some medical concerns have some analysts projecting him in the bottom half of the first round.
Bill Simmons called the NFL Network's Mike Lombardi to break down Week 15, discuss the playoff picture, and address rumors about Mr. Lombardi's professional future.
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NFL teams don't often get the chance to rebuild on their own terms. In most cases, they're the last people to find out that it's time. A team that can scratch some credible way to contention in August finds themselves wasting away at the bottom of the league by November and realizes, after all, that it's time to make wholesale changes. Other teams see the writing on the wall and battle against the truth for a couple of years, desperately clinging to shreds of relevancy as they lose the leverage they'll never regain. The latter explanation, as you probably suspect, aptly characterizes the New York Jets, whose miserable loss to the Titans on Monday Night Football eliminated Gang Green from playoff contention, while crystallizing the need to make a change in their three-man core of Rex Ryan, Mark Sanchez, and general manager Mike Tannenbaum.
Ladies and gentlemen, this year’s BQBL Bowl is over. It wasn't the BQBL points scored in the Jets-Cardinals game that made it special. There's no way to appropriately quantify this brand of failure, no stat that captures how terrified each quarterback was, and no metric for embarrassment to measure what happened in New Jersey on Sunday. There is just the film. Let’s go to the tape.
Jets (Sanchize and Greg McElroy) 84 points, and Cardinals (Ryan Lindley) 65 points
In anticipation of this column, I rewatched this entire game. I had my eye on it and everything Sunday, but when a game like this is played in front of cameras and microphones, and it's your job to bask in the ineptitude of quarterbacking failure, you would be a fool not to savor these performances. Also, as I mentioned, there's no number that can capture the experience of watching these men attempt to move the football forward. The most dynamic part of this adventure from kickoff to final kneel-down was tracking the tortured reactions of both the play-by-play team of Thom Brennaman and Brian Billick and the Jets fans in the stadium. I now present to you a running diary, of sorts, of the 2012 BQBL Bowl. No lie — I might go back and watch it again.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.
Mets pitcher R.A. Dickey capped off his improbable season by winning the NL Cy Young Award. "In frozen to name the scarlet lake we'll posit terrible worsts or declare any ripple tentative by the queen devouring sensations evasive," said Dickey, in his patented KnuckleSpeak language. "Thanks, this is awesome!" said his new translator.
Blake Griffin (20 points, 14 boards) and Chris Paul (16 points, 10 assists) each registered a double-double as the Clippers topped the Heat 107-100. "I guess it's time to concede that he won the Blake Griffin fame war," said minor British soap opera star Blake Griffin, as she sipped a gin and tonic at her computer and began to weep dramatically.
After hearing the news about Tyron Smith and his family issues, I talked to Ephraim about the financial and personal strain family can be for young players entering the league. From there, we discussed Chuck Pagano's moving postgame speech, the most affecting locker-room speech Ephraim ever got, and the different kinds of relationships players have with their coaches. Because we're only capable of being mature adults for so long, the conversation than devolved into sophomoric double entendres about Charles Tillman's ball-punching and an argument about the notion of being "overrated" in the NFL. Finally, Ephraim picks out a few players he's been most impressed with halfway through the season.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.
Pablo Sandoval, the Kung Fu Panda, became the fourth player in MLB history to hit three home runs in a World Series game, and the Giants roughed up Justin Verlander to take Game 1 8-3. Tigers manager Jim Leyland was upset at his ace. "We told Justin that even though he may look soft and cuddly — especially when he's curled up around a bamboo shoot — he's a very dangerous creature when approached," Leyland said. "He didn't listen. There have been over 15 incidents of Kung Fu Panda home run violence this year alone, and most of them could have been avoided with a little pitcher caution."
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.
Scott Rolen's fielding error allowed Buster Posey to score the winning run as the Giants beat the Reds 2-1 in 10 innings to avoid elimination in the NLDS. Now that's what I call a "Dust-Buster"! Because he beat Dusty Baker's team, and his name is Bust … hey, screw you, that kind of stuff kills overseas! Kills!
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.
The Chicago Bears intercepted Tony Romo five times, returning two for touchdowns, in a 34-18 rout of the Cowboys. In the press box, angry Cowboys owner Jerry Jones tersely addressed his servant. "Lyle, please maneuver my face into a frown for the cameras," he said. "And don't mope about it. You already have second-hand botulism, it's not like it can get worse."
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.
Matt Ryan threw his 100th career touchdown pass and the Falcons defense harassed Peyton Manning into three first-quarter interceptions in a 27-21 win over the Broncos. "Each turnover has its own story that no one really wants to hear," Manning said afterward. He then paused, looked in every reporter's eyes, and said, "Actually, let's do this. Turnover one was a lonely girl with big dreams who wanted to escape the drudgery of life in her tiny Nebraska town. Her father was an undertaker, but she longed for more, so she joined a traveling circus. She found joy and she married a carnie, but late one drunken night she died while riding the zipper and they sent her body back to her father. INTERCEPTION. Turnover two was a lot like the boy in Simon & Garfunkel's "The Boxer." Poor kid, ragged people, bleeding winter, dead from boxing. INTERCEPTION. Turnover three was just a bad pass. WRONG. TRICKED YOU. Each turnover has a story, never forget that. Turnover three was the look my father gave me one October morning, age 8, when I said I wanted to become an artist. "I hate football, Daddy. I love paints and oils." Old Archie threw me in the back of our pickup truck, drove me out to the woods, and left me with nothing but a football for six days. It worked. I fell in love with that football and named it Godfrey. My artistic dreams died with the midnight howling of the wolves. INTERCEPTION. COME BACK, GODFREY. But Godfrey's gone."
Chris Ryan: If you're going to make predictions, then you need to pay homage to Rex Ryan, who is basically Q: The Winged Serpent of prediction-making. Not to hard-core troll any Jets fans who might be reading (psych), but doesn't this feel like Toonces is driving your car these days? Rex Ryan insisting that he's got this job locked up for the next decade and a half sounds about as convincing as Bart Scott declaring he's not an asshole ("I'm painted as an asshole … I ain't never been an asshole").
Why do I get the feeling that Week 8 will find the Jets locker room looking like that monsters-vs.-S.W.A.T. team scene in Cabin in the Woods, with Tim Tebow hovering about the ground, bathed in holy light, fluttering above the bloodbath on angel wings and singing Amy Grant anthems, while Stephen Hill cowers in the corner muttering, "Hands ... hands ... Tannenbaum said I had good hands" and Joe McKnight performs some kind of pagan ritual, painting the words "I NEED MONEY" on Greg McIlroy's face with eye-black? This sounds totally plausible to me. What do you think about Rex getting a pink slip?
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Thursday.
Australian Adam Scott tied a Royal Lytham course record with a 6-under 64 to take the first-round lead at the British Open, while Tiger Woods lurks just three shots back at -3. "I'm lurrrrrking, Adammmmm!" whispered Tiger, waking Scott from a dead sleep. The Australian golfer gave a surprised yelp as he thrashed under the covers. "What the hell, Tiger! How did you get in here?" Woods laughed. "Lots of experience getting into hotel rooms, my man. Credit card, 50-cent piece, crowbar. Boom. Easy. Three tools, one result. Listen, I'm honestly pretty lonely these days. I brought some Buds, a cool sixer, thought we could hang. Buds and bros, bros and buds, talkin' hoes, sippin' suds." Scott wiped his eyes. "What the f--- time is it, dude?" Woods looked at the clock. "5 a.m. The witching hour. The Bud-ing hour. Don't know what time it is in Australia. Oy, didgeree-loo, crocodile-doo!" Scott sat up and sighed. "Yeah, okay. Let's pop a Bud. But this is the last time, Tiger! Anyway, you should have seen this hoe on the 17th yesterday … "
This week, Tim Tebow practiced with the New York Jets special teams. He worked as the "up" back, or personal protector. When it asked how it felt to be working with the punt team, Tebow said, "It's definitely something I'm trying to get used to," he said. "It's unique, but it's fun. (I'm) having a good time out there." This means Rex Ryan is going to have to come up with some more humiliating stuff for the former Heisman winner to do, solely to see if Tebow insists it's fun. Other jobs for Tim Tebow:
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.
Kobe Bryant scored 38 points and Andrew Bynum contributed 27 points and nine boards as the Lakers took a 2-0 lead on the Nuggets, winning 104-100. In downtown Los Angeles, things turned a bit ugly during the second quarter when suspended forward Metta World Peace was found in a city dumpster viciously elbowing a pile of old chicken nuggets. Eyewitnesses described the act as "almost definitely intentional."
