Every now and then, our boss, Bill Simmons, will forward some of his reader mail to me and fellow Triangle editor Chris Ryan. Most of the time, it’s to troll us about our favorite teams (Brian Urlacher’s pre-draft ascension was entirely legitimate, and I won’t hear otherwise), but occasionally, one of the notes has an idea so insane that it actually makes a lot of sense.

Following the NFL draft, Jonathan from Suitland, Maryland, sent an explanation of why it often sucks to root for the Eagles around draft time. His reasoning for this was a series of draft trades made during the 2009 and 2010 seasons. It started with a trade in April 2009, when the Bears traded Kyle Orton, the 18th pick in 2009, a third-rounder in 2009, and their first-round pick in 2010 to the Broncos in exchange for Jay Cutler and Denver’s 2009 fifth-round pick. Now, watch carefully. This gets confusing fast.

Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski had surgery on his forearm last week to clean up an infection. These are the kinds of things that happen when your arm is operated on three times in three months. But Gronk being Gronk, we feel like there are some extra-medical reasons for his infectch. Here is a list of those possible reasons:

Prolonged exposure to Tryst air-conditioning condensation, stripper glitter, taking an inadvisable amount of Mountain Dew baths, a splinter from a Tower of Terror malfunction, gator sweat, stuffed animal fur, sourdough bread crumbs that had been in Logan Mankins's beard since 2010, stagnant Typhoon Lagoon water, a little bit of price-sticker glue from the shrink-wrap of a recently purchased copy of Ministry of Sound's The Sound of Dubstep, over-application of complimentary Harvard-branded body lotion, Funyun dust, uncared-for Capri Sun straw stab wound, a little bit of Aqib Talib's homemade kimchi, the enormousness of Tom Brady's personal sacrifice.

With free agency and the draft process revving up, there are plenty of questions for every NFL team. But for most, there's one issue that trumps the rest. This is the latest in a team-by-team look at the offseason tasks that just can't get botched.

The AFC Championship Game featured a pair of offenses that for most of the season could not have been more different. As was brought up countless times during the playoffs, Joe Flacco was the best deep-ball thrower in football in 2012, but the Ravens struggled in their intermediate passing game and in manufacturing first downs. For the Pats, manufacturing first downs is all they do. They had 444 in all, 62 more than any other team.

Much of this middle-of-the-field dominance was — and has been — a product of Wes Welker. The 31-year-old receiver has caught 627 passes in his six seasons as a Patriot, and as every other piece of New England’s backfield and receiving corps has turned over, Welker has remained a constant for Tom Brady. Welker had another typically outstanding season in 2012, catching 118 passes for 1,354 yards while Aaron Hernandez and Rob Gronkowski missed significant time with injuries, and Brandon Lloyd, well ... didn’t do anything.

This steady production is what’s made Welker’s treatment by the Patriots and Bill Belichick a bit puzzling. Before the 2011 season, Welker, coming off his worst year as a Patriot, was offered a two-year, $16 million contract. He turned down that deal before getting the franchise tag that spring. Last offseason, coming off his best season as a Patriot, Welker was given a lesser offer, which he again turned down before getting the franchise tag. In total, Welker brought home more than he would’ve by signing the original sheet, but what had become clear was that to the Pats, Welker’s value had been defined. In New England, that usually means a line in the sand. When it came time this week for the Pats to decide whether to again use the franchise tag on Welker, they declined, meaning that Welker will likely become a free agent when the league year begins.

In case you were out getting arrested while rehearsing your Les Misérables flash mob, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.

• The Chicago Bulls held the Atlanta Hawks to 20 first-half points en route to a 97-58 win in Chicago. It was the fewest points the Hawks had scored in a game since 1955, the year the shot clock was introduced, when they scored just 57 against the Boston Celtics. "I can't believe you clowns," joked Bulls coach and amateur insult comic Tom Thibodeau after the game. "One fewer basket, and we would've really stuck it to that old nincompoop Red Auerbach. He hasn't been had that bad since someone replaced one of his stogies with an exploding cigar. I guess you kidders will just have to win nine championships now to make it up to me. Am I right? Now which of you buffoons wants to get silly and see this ol' wisecracker work out some new material down at the Chuckle Bin?" There were no immediate takers, but Thibodeau thought he could get Kirk Hinrich to bite if he picked up the tab on the club's two-drink minimum.
• Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski has been ruled out for the remainder of the postseason after reinjuring his broken arm in New England's game against Houston on Sunday. "I thought it was worth playing through it, and Coach thought playing was the right choice." Gronkowski said to the media. Patriots head coach Bill Belichick quickly interjected, "Thinks. Not thought. Coach thinks playing is the right choice."

Each week, the Fantasy Island contestants will submit a preview for each of that weekend's games. The best preview from each game will be selected and combined with the others into one comprehensive guide, and points are awarded based on how many individual previews from each writer are selected. Get it? OK. We sorta do, too.

Bills at Patriots

Buffalo hemorrhages 169.5 rushing yards a game and there’s a toddler-with-permanent-marker glee in Tom Brady’s eyes when he gashes open wounds, even if it means doing so via hand-offs (40 carries, 247 ground-game yards when these teams met in Week 4). There won’t be six New England turnovers this time; coupled with the running game, I’m expecting sub-par receiving lines for the Pats’ aces. Stevie Johnson has been leaving behind a data trail of ghastly box scores, including a three-catch-for-29-yards showing last week. This is largely because Ryan Fitzpatrick loves wheel routes to running backs and third-read safety-valve tosses to Scott Chandler. Donald Jones has scored every three weeks this season, and these migration patterns point to a touchdown this week.

— Ramon Ramirez

Each week, the Fantasy Island contestants will submit a preview for each of that weekend's games. The best preview from each game will be selected and combined with the others into one comprehensive guide, where points are awarded based on how many individual previews from each writer are selected. Get it? OK. We sorta do too.

Buccaneers at Cowboys

The Bucs are legit. They fell victim to a little Eli magic this Sunday, but I think we all know Tony Romo is about as magical as David Blaine. (Sorry, buddy. Standing in an ice cave for two days isn't magic.) The 'Boys haven't been able to stop anyone, so I like Doug Martin a lot this week; I think he finishes as a top-10 RB. Vinnie Jackson is always a boom-or-bust play, but an interesting sleeper in this game is Dallas Clark. America's Team of 1992 has given up TDs to TEs (that's a weird phrase) in two straight weeks, and Clark is better than either Martellus Bennett or Anthony McCoy (my apologies to the McCoy family, who may be the only people who knew who Anthony was before this week).

— Josh Klein

As the long, hot summer drags on, we here at The Triangle figured we’d provide a steady stream of NFL goodness as a reminder of the light at the end of the baseball-lined tunnel.

There’s no doubt that the best part of this NFL offseason had little to do with football and much more to do with an often shirtless, Drago-esque tight end who spends his autumn months in New England. Whether it was inquiries about a club’s no-shirt-no-shoes policy, tweeted pictures with porn stars, or well-placed smiley faces, the Gronk Show has been 2012’s best NFL attraction. And I don’t know about you guys, but through it all, it’s been easy to forget that last year, this guy had THE BEST SEASON FOR A TIGHT END EVER.

With a potential make-or-break week for the Red Sox upon us, I couldn't resist calling my buddy JackO (die-hard Yankee fan) to discuss the AL East, All-Star Week in Kansas City, Reggie vs. A-Rod, Rizzo vs. Gonzo and even a few bonus ESPYs stories about Rob Gronkowski.

You never really know what you're going to get with an athlete's "official site." Sometimes you get a really nuanced, emotionally transparent view into the soul of the man (like with Andrew Bynum's blog). Sometimes you get exciting opportunities to buy official NHL gear, like the street bazaar that is BrianUrlacher.com. Then you get something like Gronk Nation, and the wonder and promise of the World Wide Web is made apparent.

Gronk Nation is the Web destination for all things Gronkowski Brothers. (Rob has two brothers who also play in the NFL: Dan and Chris.) You can cop a Yo Soy Fiesta T-shirt, to commemorate Rob's classic ESPN Deportes interview, get up to date on various Gronk trends with the Daily Gronk, or purchase a wristband with the inspirational slogan, "Get Gronk'D." Have some of that LiveStrong.

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.

• After trailing by 10 with under three minutes to play, no. 9 Duke stormed back and beat no. 5 UNC with an Austin Rivers 3-pointer at the buzzer. And if the jokes suck today, it's because I was watching the replay until about 5 a.m., intently studying the reaction of each individual Carolina fan as the shot went down in order to keep myself from ever being unhappy again. So, you know, apologies for whatever comes next.

• No. 2 Syracuse needed overtime to emerge with a victory against no. 11 Georgetown as Jim Boeheim passed Dean Smith on the all-time wins list. And if you really want to confuse and then upset a Tar Heel fan, call him up, say you have a basketball question, and then ask how he feels about this. Also ask if they think Boeheim or Coach K is the greatest in history. And then tell them the 1924 championship was bogus.

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.

• Kevin Durant told reporters he wasn't impressed with Blake Griffin's dunk over Kendrick Perkins. "I have no appreciation for it at all," he said, even going so far as to imply that it was a layup. When Griffin heard the quote, he retired to his study, opened a hidden drawer in his davenport, and retrieved an emerald-studded dueling pistol wrapped in a pristine white glove. "There you are, Guinevere," he said, caressing the weapon. "I hope you haven't forgotten our little dance."

• Durant's teammate, Russell Westbrook, scored 33 points to lead the Thunder over the Mavericks 95-86. After the game, Dirk Nowitzki cornered Westbrook in the dark parking lot. "Tell your friend he can expect a social call from Lady Guinevere," he whispered, before running off into the night. "Who's Guinevere?" Westbrook shouted to the departing figure. "And why are you wearing a cape?"