With the NFL offseason trudging along, there are plenty of questions for every NFL team. But for most, there's one issue that trumps the rest. This is the latest in a team-by-team look at the offseason tasks that just can't get botched.
There were two elements of the Saints' 2012 season that were unprecedented in the NFL. The first was the season-long suspension of Sean Payton, a product of the punishments handed down after the (admittedly botched) investigation into the bounty program linked to former defensive coordinator Gregg Williams. Even without their primary play caller, the Saints and Drew Brees were still a top-10 offense, and with both Payton’s return and offensive coordinator Pete Carmichael’s decision to not seek a head coaching job, they should be even better at moving the ball next year.
The other historic thing to happen to last year’s Saints is the more concerning one, because it has no such guarantee of righting itself. By most measures, the Saints were an all-time terrible defensive unit in 2012. New Orleans gave up more than 7,000 total yards during the regular season — the most ever surrendered and more than 900 yards worse than the league’s 31st-ranked team. Only Tampa Bay gave up more yards through the air, and no one gave up more yards on the ground. New Orleans posted a defensive DVOA of 14.8 percent, again worst in the league. Just about nothing went right on that side of the ball for New Orleans, and the result was Payton, immediately upon return from suspension, relieving Steve Spagnuolo of his defensive coordinator duties and replacing him with Rob Ryan.
In case you were out brainstorming baby names with Shakira and Gerard Pique last night, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.
American teenager Sloane Stephens upset Serena Williams at the Australian Open in an exhilarating, injury-plagued three-set thriller, 3-6, 7-5, 6-4. As the final shot was struck just before the clock struck midnight in New York, a hirsute figure scaled the walls of Arthur Ashe Stadium at the USTA National Tennis Center. "American tennis is dead! Long live American Tennis! American Tennis is dead! Long live American Tennis!" Was the figure that of Pete Sampras? Was it? Who could possibly know? (It was.)
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports over the weekend.
Facing a hostile road crowd, AJ McCarron led no. 1 Alabama on a game-winning drive, completing the winning touchdown pass with 51 seconds remaining as the Tide beat no. 5 LSU 21-17. McCarron said he was motivated by school pride, the desire to win a national championship, and the pulsing pain emanating from the remote-activated chip implanted in his skull by Nick Saban.
What's happened to the New Orleans Saints? Unquestionably the most disappointing team in football through four games, last year's 13-3 NFC South champions have become just the second 13-3 team in league history to start the year at 0-4, joining the 2009 Titans. Being compared to a Vince Young/Jeff Fisher soap opera isn't very flattering, but after an offseason of bounty discussion and penalties, it's probably fair company.
The prevailing justification for New Orleans's struggles has been the absence of Sean Payton as head coach and offensive play caller, which very well might be true, but there's a lot of relevant questions about this team that go beyond such a simple explanation. How has Payton's absence manifested itself? Is there any evidence that this is a coaching issue and not a player performance issue? And is it something that's going to be fixed when Payton comes back after this season, or with the return of Joe Vitt in a couple of weeks?
FOOTBALL. After suffering through the baseball months, we couldn't be happier that the NFL is finally back. In celebration of Week 1, 13-year NFL veteran Ephraim Salaam and I talked last night's Cowboys-Giants game, Andrew Luck's NFL debut, the Saints' life without Sean Payton, and San Francisco's quarterback infidelity.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.
Carmelo Anthony notched his second career triple-double (35 points, 12 boards, 10 assists) as the Knicks beat the Celtics 118-110. Evil Celtics forward Kevin Garnett told reporters he was impressed with Anthony's performance, but that it should only be another week or so before he starts to feel the weakening effects of long-term arsenic poisoning.
In an interview with GQ magazine, Derrick Rose admitted that he's uncomfortable with his fame in Chicago, and the lifestyle doesn't suit his personality. "It's time to start keeping a lower profile," he said, "and it begins today ... with this GQ interview."
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Thursday.
The New Orleans Saints have named top assistant Joe Vitt interim head coach during Sean Payton's year-long suspension, despite the fact that Vitt will serve a six-game suspension of his own to start the season. During those six games, the Saints will be led by offensive line coach Aaron Kromer, who is serving a four-game suspension for watching cable television (Bridezillas, specifically) in the film room. For the first four games, Saints kicking adviser Marcus McCovey will take over, despite his two-game suspension for rhyming Sean Payton with "Sean Satan" in a Skype call with his daughter. The first two Saints games will be coached by New Orleans citizen Ernest Lambreaux, who is serving a one-game suspension for plotting to coach without a proper coaching license. For that first game only, Russian emigre and renowned castrato animal impersonator Gustaf Karpov will head up the Saints, though he's suspended for a quarter because he won't stop calling chocolate doughnuts "meatless pirozhkis" during strategy meetings. In the first quarter of the first game, the Saints plan to just fumble the ball and run into each other until someone dies.
In case Yu were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.
In his major league debut, Japanese phenom Yu Darvish overcame some early nerves to reach the sixth inning and help the Rangers secure an 11-5 win over the Mariners. Despite the victory, it was an unpleasant experiences for fans in Arlington, who upon hearing the name "Yu!" would turn and say, "Me?" "No, Yu," the person would respond, and the other guy would be like, "That's what I'm asking, me?" "No, I'm talking about Yu!" the first guy said, until a third guy was like, "SON OF A BITCH, HE MEANS YU DARVISH THE PITCHER! I HATE ABBOTT AND COSTELLO AND WORDPLAY SO MUCH!" And that's when the guns came out.
Second baseman Ian Kinsler said he and the Rangers have agreed to a five-year, $75 million contract. "That's $75 million for Yu," the Rangers contract negotiator said, pushing the paper forward. Kinsler eyed him suspiciously as he signed. "For me, right?" The negotiator made a head motion that was almost like a nod. "All for Yu," he said, as he grabbed the signed contract. "Wait ... did I just sign over $75 million of my own money to Yu Darvish?" asked a panicked Kinsler. "Don't be Darvish-culous," said the negotiator as he sprinted out the door.
While Sean Payton is appealing the year-long suspension that NFL commissioner Roger Goodell laid down as part of Bountygate, it seems unlikely that the appeals court — namely, Roger Goodell — will find any reason to significantly shorten or remove his suspension from the books. Sorry, Jimmy Buffett. That uncertain future has led Payton to line up one Bill Parcells as a possible short-term replacement as Saints head coach for the 2012 season, and it's a move that Parcells is apparently considering. On paper, it's an easy case: Head coach with a sublime track record of success comes in to coach his protégé's team for one season in the hopes of winning a third Super Bowl before quitting for good (again). When Parcells has taken over as the new head coach or football czar of an organization he wasn't previously involved with, he's improved that team's win-loss record by an average of 6.5 wins during his first season. So let's pencil in the Saints to go 19 and negative 3 next year, right?
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports over the weekend.
The NCAA men's basketball championship will be contested Monday between Kentucky and Kansas. The Wildcats defeated in-state rival Louisville 69-62 in the first game of Saturday's Final Four, and the Jayhawks used a second half comeback to beat Ohio State 64-62 in the nightcap. Also, the NIT championship was played on Thursday night. Florida Panhandle Tech beat Rocky Mountain East 53-47, and I defy anyone to care enough to prove me wrong.
Kentucky's Anthony Davis became the first Kentucky player to win the Naismith Player of the Year Award, while Kansas' Bill Self won Coach of the Year. Meanwhile, Harrison Barnes won Entrepreneur of the Year, an award he invented and strong-armed the Better Business Bureau into presenting at an Embassy Suites conference center in Atlanta.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.
The Los Angeles Dodgers have been sold for a record $2 billion to a group that includes NBA legend Magic Johnson. "The clock just struck midnight for Frank McCourt," Johnson said. "And now it's time for The Magic Hour!" A PR rep quickly hurried to his side and whispered in his hear, after which Johnson boomed, "And now it's time for what we're calling anything but The Magic Hour!"
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.
Tim Tebow was introduced to the New York media on Monday and told them that there is no quarterback controversy between Mark Sanchez and him. "Just like there's no Jesus controversy between Jesus and Mark Sanchez," he said, winking. "But seriously, I do forgive him."
Well, well! Someone has been reading Machiavelli's The Prince! Or possibly listening to Tupac's Don Killuminati: Makaveli. Either way, Sean Payton is, reportedly, getting into seriously heavy chess moves.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports over the weekend.
The Final Four is set. Louisville mounted a late comeback against Florida, Kansas pounded North Carolina in the closing minutes, Kentucky creamed Baylor, and Ohio State outlasted Syracuse. In related news, Rick Pitino's romantic life regularly involves three of those verbs, in sequence, but literally never the fourth.
Tiger Woods earned his first PGA Tour victory since the infamous 2009 sex scandal with a 2-under 70 on the final day of the Arnold Palmer Invitational. "Two under 70? That's pretty tame by my standards!" Woods joked, before adding, "Still too soon?" And then Rick Pitino burst through the door and shouted, "There's no such thing as too soon!" before adding, "Inappropriate?"
