In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.
Carmelo Anthony notched his second career triple-double (35 points, 12 boards, 10 assists) as the Knicks beat the Celtics 118-110. Evil Celtics forward Kevin Garnett told reporters he was impressed with Anthony's performance, but that it should only be another week or so before he starts to feel the weakening effects of long-term arsenic poisoning.
In an interview with GQ magazine, Derrick Rose admitted that he's uncomfortable with his fame in Chicago, and the lifestyle doesn't suit his personality. "It's time to start keeping a lower profile," he said, "and it begins today ... with this GQ interview."
It's come to my attention that college basketball fans prefer not to read anything negative about their favorite teams. And now that Eli Manning has ushered in the postpartisan age that President Obama could only dream of, I feel inspired to stay positive. So, for the convenience of Kansas and Missouri fans, I've divided this post into two distinct sections. Jayhawks fans should skip right to the second section, where I blame Saturday night's 74-71 loss squarely on the referees. Tigers fans should read the first section, where I credit Marcus Denmon's heroics for the epic win, and forgo section two in favor of eating an orange or being affectionate with a loved one.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.
A source reported that the Detroit Tigers have agreed to a nine-year, $214 million deal with former Brewers slugger Prince Fielder. The hefty contract was a bitter pill to swallow for Tigers third baseman Brandon Inge, who is currently being paid in worthless foreclosed Detroit homes.
It's the last week before bowl season, and though much has been decided, there's at least a modicum of drama left. Let's get all judgmental and count down the eight best games.
8. No. 9 Oregon vs. "UCLA," "Pac-12" "Championship"
Once in a while, as a kid, I would invite my neighbor up to play basketball. He wasn't very good, but there was no one else around. I'd regret it almost immediately; he'd feel bad for not playing well, I'd feel bad for beating him, and then I'd try to let him win a game to make it less horrible, but it ended up making it more horrible because he knew what I was doing. Still, we'd have to keep going to maintain the whole facade, to make sure no feelings were hurt. But why were we playing? What was the point? What I'm trying to say is, that neighbor's name was Rick Neuheisel (gasp!).
When it’s all said and done, the history books could show that this Kentucky team was coach John Calipari’s best team ever. Well, the NCAA history books will probably show that Calipari coached for only five years and the 2002 Memphis team that won the NIT was his best team ever, but whatever. The point is, this year Kentucky’s roster looks like someone is playing a video game and either put all the best players on one team or edited the player ratings and turned Kentucky’s guys all the way up. Hell, you could close your eyes and throw a dart at a team picture of Kentucky and chances are the guy the dart hit would be the best player on 95 percent of college basketball teams. (I originally wrote that last sentence as hyperbole, but the more I think about it, the more I’m convinced it’s true. Kentucky really is that talented.)
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports over the weekend.
In a battle of the top-ranked teams in college football, LSU beat Alabama 9-6 in overtime. The whole game was like a chess match, with both teams playing cautious, slow football with an emphasis on defense. Also, Les Miles kept referring to quarterback Jarrett Lee as "my b-pawn."
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.
Mike Napoli's two-run double in the eighth inning gave the Rangers a 4-2 win over the Cardinals and a 3-2 lead in the World Series. Napoli, a righty, hit his double off left-hander Marc Rzepczynski, but he should have been facing righty closer Jason Motte. Cardinals manager Tony La Russa called for Motte twice, but both times bullpen coach Derek Lilliquist misheard him due to crowd noise. Lilliquist later admitted to being embarrassed at his mistake, but was pleased to have won $300,000 gambling on a Rangers victory.
The week of the almost-upset has mercifully ended. In some ways, this is the worst week of all. Your hopes are elevated, you're primed for some fantastic endings, and then it all crashes on your head like a wet straw roof. We've all been there, right? Let's take a quick tour through the various kinds of non-upsets provided by a fiendish Week 6.
Have you followed the Jordan Jefferson saga? If you haven't, it's not measurably different from any of the other black marks on college football's name. The gist is that the LSU quarterback and some teammates were at a Baton Rouge bar in August when a fight broke out. Four people were badly beaten — one suffered three fractured vertebrae — and witnesses reported that Jefferson kicked another in the face. He was charged with felony second-degree battery, and that charge was reduced to a misdemeanor last week. Nobody seems to be denying that the alleged brawl happened, but a grand jury decided it didn't warrant a felony. As his lawyer argued, the injury wasn't serious enough. Jefferson was reinstated, and scored a touchdown in the first quarter of last week's win against Kentucky.
Fair enough. If you can't live with that storyline, you shouldn't be watching college football at all.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.
With a home run, a double, and 4 RBIs, David Freese emerged from his series-long slump to lead the Cardinals over the Phillies 5-3 and force a Game 5 in the NLDS. At this point, both the Yankees and Phillies will be fighting for their lives in a win-or-go-home elimination game. Hopefully the fear of losing either of these beloved clubs will finally give America something to rally behind.
If you're like me, you spend a good part of the day pondering this question: how can the College Football Spectacular win a Pulitzer Prize? This week, I realized there was just one way — exposing injustice. Seriously, take a look at the list of recent winners in the investigative reporting category. We're talking crooked cops, congressional corruption, university cronyism, insurance scams, voter fraud, etc. But I think I've got one to top them all:
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.
Going into the final day of the season, the AL wild-card race is a dead heat. Boston nearly blew an 8-4 lead, but the first two career home runs by rookie catcher Ryan Lavarnway, who only started due to injuries, were the difference in an 8-7 win over the Orioles. Lavarnway is a graduate of Yale, where he majored in philosophy. "Who the **** is this kid?!" asked irate Bills quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick, a media darling for his Harvard pedigree. "That's my ******** turf, you *** ******* ****! **** **! *** **** ***, *** ******* *** ** * *****!"
When I was a kid, before I knew any better, I rooted for Notre Dame football. You can blame the influence of my stepfather or my Catholic roots or the musty old books I found in the school library, with their whitewashed tales of Knute Rockne. It certainly didn't hurt that starting in 1991, every Irish home game was on television. In any case, one of the greatest moments of my young life came in 1993, when Notre Dame beat Charlie Ward and no. 1 Florida State 31-24 in the second-to-last game of the season. All that remained was to knock off Boston College at home, and the Irish would have a shot at a national championship.
But things didn't go as planned. The Eagles jumped out fast and held their ground. It took a furious 22-point, fourth-quarter comeback for Notre Dame to reclaim a slim lead near the end, but David Gordon, BC's left-footed kicker, found himself lining up a 41-yard attempt with seconds left to pull off a stunner. The kick wobbled, and appeared to be heading right. I still remember the tiny swell of hope as I let my mind map out the ball's trajectory. It would veer wide, wouldn't it?
No. Gordon had done his worst.
A year or two later, I realized there was no good reason for me to support Notre Dame. In college football terms, I became a man without a country. That's continued to present day, and it's actually quite a nice break from the usual stress of affiliation. But the melodic strains of those two weeks in 1993 have persisted, reemerging from time to time in my personal sports landscape. Ward played 10 seasons for my New York Knicks, including the ill-fated 1999 trip to the NBA Finals. After his starring role in my personal sports tragedy, Boston College coach Tom Coughlin later balanced his karmic output in one of my greatest triumphs — a New York Giants Super Bowl win against the hated, undefeated Patriots. And 17 years to the day after his kick, David Gordon married my elderly Aunt Gloria.
Just kidding on that last one. Nevertheless, the connection lingers. That's the origin story, and this is Gordon's Left Foot.
They were waiting in line to buy train tickets, a cluster of genteel souls dressed in red, wrestling with the MARTA ticket machines in Buckhead as if performing some kind of advanced calculus. They wore halter tops and cocktail dresses and golf shirts and scarlet pants patterned with little English bulldogs, and they toted leaky Styrofoam coolers overflowing with domestic beer. They filed down the stairs in a long, sloppy line that just kept growing. Chants of “Go Dawgs” echoed through the station. “If this game had been in Boise instead of Atlanta, we would have bought out their whole stadium,” one of them said. “We could sell two-hundred thousand tickets a game if they’d let us.”
