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ABOUT LAST WEEKEND

About Last Weekend: The Lake Show Gets Canceled

In case you were busy on eBay trying to unload your Tim Tebow Jets jersey, here's what you missed in sports last weekend:

  • The San Antonio Spurs dispatched the Los Angeles Lakers, 103-82, to advance to the Western Conference semifinals. Lakers center Dwight Howard, who was ejected from the game after getting two technical fouls, said after the game, "Gotcha! Oh, man, that was hilarious! Classic Howard. I was all like, 'T me up! I totally want to never play basketball in a Lakers uniform again,' and they totally did! Joke's on them! I'm pranking people left and right! L.A. is Prank City!" When asked if this meant he was going to re-sign with L.A., Howard's demeanor quickly shifted. "Absolutely not," he said. "This has been the worst year of my life."
  • Stephen Curry drained six 3-pointers as the Golden State Warriors beat the Denver Nuggets 115-101 in a pivotal Game 4. "Do I feel threatened by Curry? Absolutely not; my legacy is intact," said TNT analyst Reggie Miller after the game. Miller then wiped the steam off his bathroom mirror and examined his temples. Were they grayer than the day prior? "Perhaps," Miller said to himself, "but that just means you're getting wiser. More mature. And some punk kid in Oakland can't take that away from you."
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ABOUT LAST NIGHT

About Last Night: LeBron Forgets to Choke

By Shane Ryan at

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Thursday.

  • LeBron James scored 32 points, including four in the critical final minutes, as the Heat evened the NBA Finals with a 100-96 win over the Thunder. In the aftermath, tragedy struck when James Harden was hooked, reeled in, and fried by avid fisherman Karl Malone. "When I saw him flopping around on the TV, I knew this would be my greatest challenge yet," said Malone. "But I baited him with a flavored referee's whistle, and man, he was all over it."
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ABOUT LAST WEEKEND

About Last Weekend: Welcome Back, Tiger Woods

By Shane Ryan at

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports over the weekend.

  • Tiger Woods birdied three of the last four holes, including a spectacular chip-in on the 16th, to win the Memorial and tie Jack Nicklaus for second all-time in total PGA wins. Nicklaus, who hosts the event, called the chip-in on 16th "the most unbelievable, gutsy shot I've ever seen." When the celebration died down, Nicklaus continued: "For the record, I have my memory wiped clean every morning by a special device to help ease the crushing fear of death. So, uh, take it with a grain of … what am I thinking? Is it rice? A grain of rice? That doesn't sound right."

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