Quick poll: Did anyone else turn a 70,000 -jermajesties profit on NFL propositions last week, taking his or her season-long total to 182,0500 jermajesties in the plus overall? Probably not, since jermajesties* don’t really exist, except in Jermaine Jackson’s household. Actually, I did come across some good news, as the soon-to-be-defunct Hostess Brands Inc. has agreed to let me purchase their remaining stock using jermajesties. Looks like everyone’s getting a gross of Twinkies and Suzy Q’s from me for Christmas.
Where was I? Oh yeah — Twinkies. This is a tough week to pick props. Mainly because as of Tuesday night, there were absolutely none to be found.
Because everyone on the Grantland staff (including and especially myself) is too lazy to work on Friday, we’ll have to make do on three propositions that I’m pretty sure will be on the board, followed by a bunch I’m positive you will not be able to wager on.
It’s weird -- I don’t ever remember getting gifts on Thanksgiving. That’s why I will surely be sending a thank-you note to the NFL for this Thursday’s games. In fact, these games are so appealing that I’ve actually convinced my relatives to eat dinner at 7:30 a.m. here on the West Coast just to ensure that I don’t miss a minute of the action. You can see who wears the pants in my family.
Or should I say -- wore the pants. Thanks to my putrid prop bets in Week 11, I lost all my clothing starting with the shirt off my back. Last week I netted -68,000 jermajesties which takes the grand total to -122,500 jermajesties overall. (Obligatory weekly explanation: a "jermajesty" represents the fake name given for a dollar amount. It is also the unfortunate name of one of Jermaine Jackson's sons.) Think about this for a second. Where else -- all in the same week -- will someone with a straight face give out Tim Tebow over passing yards, Chris Johnson to lead the NFL running backs in rushing and Rob Gronkowski to score 0 TDs? I am rapidly approaching William H. Macy cooler status.
One more thing: I apologize for the limited Week 12 selections. As of Tuesday night, the sportsbooks offered a pittance of prop options. Let’s make do and chip away at this disastrous jermajestic deficit.