The English Premier League is down to one team in the Champions League. It has been more than 15 years since no English team made the Champions League quarterfinals, but that is the most likely scenario after Tuesday's matches. Reigning champion Manchester City crashed out of the so-called "group of death," Chelsea was unable to defend its title, and Manchester United received a very un–Manchester United dose of luck when Nani was given a questionable second-half red card in the second leg of their tie against Real Madrid, allowing the Madristas to storm back from a one-goal deficit and eliminate the Reds. So all that's left for England is Arsenal. And Arsenal, your Champions League underdog of the week, is in a world of trouble.
By Chris Ryan at
David Price/Arsenal FC via Getty Images
The story of the Premier League over the holiday season, told in five goals. Get some.
Theo Walcott
All happy Arsenal players are the same. All unhappy Arsenal players are unhappy in their own way. Over the years, players have left the North London club due to matters pertaining to the head (Robin van Persie knew he needed to leave the Emirates to win trophies), the heart (Cesc Fábregas ultimately wanted to return to his boyhood club, Barcelona), and the wallet (Samir Nasri makes more as a bit player for Manchester City than as the focal point of Arsenal). The club's latest contract fiasco is interesting, though. It's about identity, both of the player, Theo Walcott (and how he perceives himself), and of the club itself.
Summertime, and the living for English Premier League clubs ... well, it's kind of a drag. They're flying all over the once-green Earth, participating in lucrative summer tours of far-off lands. As I write this, Tottenham are in Los Angeles, Liverpool are somewhere between Canada and Boston, and Arsenal have just recently touched down in Malaysia. That's a long flight — London to Malaysia — and it made me wonder: Who of the Gunners is the most fun to fly with?
Theo Walcott
I don't know, Theo. I know you're trying to put on your Grey Poupon face there, but you still went straight to the dessert cart. You can't free-base sugar like that before a long flight. You lay down a nice, healthy foundation — maybe get some roasted almonds and multi-seed crackers and some hummus in there, tell Vito Mannone you've got the audiobook version of Gone Girl loaded on your iPod, so you'll have to discuss how Wojciech Szczsny is going to need to be kidnapped by one of the gangs in Taken if Mannone ever wants to see the field, and you PEACE OUT. Go to sleep. Fly to Malaysia. While asleep! Don't act like Chunk from Goonies at a Baskin-Robbins.
How They Got Here: Portugal pulled off the unlikely feat — or what seemed an unlikely feat before the tournament — of making it out of Group B, the Group of Death. After a fairly close loss to Germany, 1-0, Paulo Bento's side got a game-winning goal against Denmark from little-known Silvestre Varela and a world-beating performance from Cristiano Ronaldo in a 2-1 win against the Dutch.
The Czechs got their pants pulled down by Russia in one of the most one-sided losses of the tournament so far (4-1, on the opening day of Euro 2012). Since then, they've taken their chances very well (basically the key to winning tournament games). Their opening goal against Greece was like watching CCTV footage of a mugging.
