1. Chris Paul: !!!!!
Chris Paul! Unstoppable! Unforgettable! Probably some other "Un-s", too! Chris Ryan, whom you might remember as your regular Rankonia writer, nominates our hometown hero for this week's top spot:

"I've watched every minute of the Grizzlies-Clippers series. I've seen Tony Allen try to stop Chris Paul. I've seen Mike Conley, Jr. try to stop Chris Paul. I've seen Allen, Rudy Gay, and Marc Gasol try to stop Chris Paul together. I've seen O.J. Mayo try to stop Chris Paul for 90 feet and I've seen Quincy Pondexter try to stop him at the last second. It just doesn't matter. I don't think I ever really knew what it meant for an athlete to be unstoppable until I saw Chris Paul play basketball in the fourth quarter and overtime. Now that I do, I certainly won't forget it."

Here's more evidence that Wizards forward Andray Blatche is just like Tom Brady. (I'VE BEEN SAYING THAT.) This comes to us via Dan Steinberg at the Washington Post. A Twitter user who goes by the handle @LiveyourrrLife spotted Blatche at a District of Columbia DMV this past week. (Steinberg notes that the facility doesn't really look like a District DMV, but let's just go with it for now.) The DMV can be a pretty uncomfortable place, so much respect to Dray for wearing the most comfortable shoes possible.

This seems like as good a time as any to post this again. Keep on your toes, people. Or just swaddle them in wool. Whatever.

I'm sure Tom Brady is going to take a ton of solace from the fact that the image of him sitting on the Lucas Oil turf, in a state of total dejection and disappointment, has become an Internet meme, which people in offices, outside of elevators, and pretty much everywhere else you can imagine (as well as a few spots you'd rather not) are replicating.

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.

• The New York Giants arrived home yesterday, and were greeted by 200 raucous fans at their practice facility. Oddly enough, one of the wildest fans was a heavily intoxicated Rob Gronkowski.

• Gisele Bundchen, the wife of Patriots QB Tom Brady, was videotaped after the Super Bowl complaining to her friends about the team's receivers. "My husband cannot f------ throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time," she said. "I know exactly how you feel," said Julie Bartoli, wife of failed juggler Lazario "Butter Hands" Bartoli.

This was a very odd game — with a very dramatic finish.

Early in Sunday's Super Bowl, the New York Giants — aided by New England quarterback Tom Brady's safety — looked unstoppable. The Giants had a huge advantage in both momentum and yards, but despite all this, they only scored nine points. Then Tom Brady and the Patriots became, well, Tom Brady and the Patriots.

Brady went 16-for-16 with two touchdown passes sandwiched around the halftime show, and New England looked like it might simply run away with the game. And then … I'm not even sure.

The Giants kicked a couple field goals, Brady roughed his shoulder up on the turf, and then — with about four minutes left in the game — the Patriots had one of the most heartbreaking sequences in franchise history: Brady and Wes Welker, who know a thing about throwing and catching, failed to connect on a throw up the seam, where Welker was essentially uncovered. Then New York quarterback Eli Manning hit Mario Manningham on a nearly impossible throw down the sideline for a huge 38-yard gain. By now, you know the rest. The Giants scored the game-winning touchdown after Patriots coach Bill Belichick smartly let them, and Brady failed to make good on his desperation drive with a late Hail Mary. Giants win, 21-17.

Let's compare those two game-changing pass plays: the failed pass from Brady to Welker and the play of the game, Manning's fantastic throw to Manningham down the sideline.

Live from the Bud Light Hotel in Indy, it's more of the BS Report!

What, two hours of podcast content on Thursday was more than enough for you? How dare you? What about two more parts and two more hours of babbling? In Part 1, Patriots president Jonathan Kraft talked about Sunday's game, how to run an NFL organization, why the 18-game schedule isn't a bad idea, his mother's lasting legacy and how the Patriots might have handled that Peyton Manning-Indy situation if it had happened with Tom Brady. (Listen to Part 1 on the ESPN.com Podcenter or on iTunes.)

In Part 2, Kevin Wildes and Joe House went on a half-baked idea frenzy. You'll never think about Leap Year the same way again. (Listen to Part 2 on the ESPN.com Podcenter or on iTunes.)

Everybody has their faults. Some people are kleptomaniacs. Some people walk onto uncrowded subways and stop directly in front of the doors. There are even some who use nail-polish remover during cross-country flights. And some people (hi there) cheer for the Patriots despite having no good reason to do so. My name is Chris Ryan. This is my confession.

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Thursday.

• Giants defensive end Jason Pierre-Paul said that his team's pass-rushers are in Tom Brady's head. And at least one of them — the insanely creepy Justin Tuck — has also been in his underwear drawer.

• Bill Belichick's preparations for the Super Bowl now include taking a 31-minute break during practice to simulate the lengthy halftime intermission. He also tried to hire Janet Jackson so he could rip off her shirt in front of the team to teach them discipline in the face of distractions. She was too expensive, though, and he had to settle for an awkward cup check on kicker Stephen Gostkowski.

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Thursday.

• Novak Djokovic advanced to the Australian Open final with a five-set victory over Andy Murray. On Sunday, he'll face Rafael Nadal in a battle of the top two seeds. Meanwhile, Andy Murray remains confident that he'll eventually win a major. "Hey, does anybody know the number of the guy who stabbed Monica Seles right before Graf started dominating?" he asked a room full of reporters. "A friend wanted to know."

• At a Joe Paterno tribute, Nike CEO Phil Knight criticized the process by which Paterno was fired. "If there's a villain in this tragedy," he said, "it lies in that investigation and not in Joe Paterno's response." Later in his speech, Knight said that if there's a comic relief character in this tragedy, it's probably Crazy Scott Paterno, the protaganist's son.

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday

• The dream semifinal is set in Australia, as both Roger Federer and Rafa Nadal won their quarterfinal matches. Nadal holds a 7-2 lead in Grand Slam matches, but Federer has promised that he's going to break out his sickest cream-colored outfit yet to just priss the hell out of Nadal. "I'm gonna priss him 'til he blushes," Federer vowed. "Just delicately flip my hair, prance around like a schoolboy, and get my priss on something severe. Ya heard?"

• A source indicated that the Big East will add Navy to the football lineup in 2015. The move was reportedly made to give the conference the option to be buried at sea when it dies from sucking.

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports over the weekend.

• Eli Manning threw for 316 yards and two touchdowns and Lawrence Tynes hit the game-winning 31-yard field goal as the Giants advanced won the NFC championship with a 20-17 win over the 49ers. After the game, Satan lazily turned on his television and came across Tom Coughlin's post-game press conference. "Holy shit," he said, shuffling through some papers, "I still haven't collected that guy's soul from 2008?!"

• Billy Cundiff shanked a 32-yard field goal with 11 seconds left as Tom Brady and the Patriots survived to win the AFC championship 23-20. After the game, former Buffalo Bills kicker Scott Norwood placed a sympathetic phone call to Cundiff. "Don't worry," said Norwood. "People will forget this after a few- sorry, hold on a second Billy, someone's urinating on my window again."

Hey, remember that time Craig Robinson, of Flip Flop Fly Ball fame, made that graphic for the baseball playoffs? That was cool, right? Good news: We asked him to do it again for the NFL playoffs. And this one even has an awesome bit involving the National Mall.

You can follow Craig on Twitter at @flipflopflying and buy his book, Flip Flop Fly Ball: An Infographic Baseball Adventure, which is available now.

(Eds. note: Oops, sorry guys. We know about the 49ers takeaways/giveaways thing. Our bad. Working on it, stand by!)

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1. Tom Brady, Evil
Onetime haunter of the Natick Service Plaza Dan Fierman nominates the Patriots quarterback. New Testament, meet Old Testament.

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.

• Kobe Bryant scored 48 points on 31 shots as the Lakers beat the Suns 99-83. "If I play bad or have one bad game like I did in Denver, everybody cries for a change or cries for the fact that I'm too old," Bryant said after the game. Reporters gently pointed out that the "bad game" against Denver had come in 1999, at which point Bryant looked frightened and repeatedly asked for Shaq.