In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.

• Matt Carpenter, subbing for an injured Carlos Beltran, hit a two-run homer to lead the Cardinals to a 3-1 win over the Giants and a 2-1 lead in the NLCS. "Look, we're not saying for sure that Jesus is rooting for our team," said a statement released by Cardinals fans. "But how many times can you be led by a Carpenter before you start saying, OK, maybe something's happening here? Are we crazy? Are we being unreasonable? Or deep down, are the rest of you jealous that Jesus is a Cards fan? Be honest."

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Thursday.

• The Rams defense contained Kevin Kolb (28/50, 289 yards) and Ryan Williams (14 carries, 33 yards) en route to handing the Cardinals their first loss of the season, 17-3. Among those in attendance at the Edward Jones Dome in St. Louis were actor Philip Seymour Hoffman, Pearl Jam's Eddie Vedder, and President Barack Obama. Nah, I'm kidding, none of those people would ever go to that game. Grow up, St. Louis. You're pathetic.

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.

• Despite Rajon Rondo's stellar performance — 44 points, eight assists, and 10 rebounds — the Miami Heat rallied from 15 points down to beat the Celtics 115-111 in overtime to take a 2-0 lead in the Eastern Conference Finals. On a sad note, LeBron James missed a potential game-winning shot at the end of regulation, and the part of his brain where he stores repressed memories of failing under pressure has reached what doctors call "the overflow point," meaning he will soon start to lose other crucial functions. When asked for his thoughts on the subject, James said, "SPAGHETTI! DOGS ARE LIBELOUS! FUN IS A SIMILAR IDEA TO CARDBOARD?"

1. Kentucky's Starting Five: DEUCES
It would be easy to be flippant about the starting five on Kentucky's national championship basketball team all declaring for the NBA draft, in unison, on Tuesday. You could mock coach John Calipari for building his program around one-and-done players, you could raise an eyebrow at noted NBA power broker World Wide Wes' presence at the NCAA tournament final as an obvious UK fan. Or you could just see the shared elation on the faces of Anthony Davis, Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, Terrence Jones, Doron Lamb, and Marquis Teague, and let these guys live a little. I defy you to read this Kidd-Gilchrist quote and begrudge these guys a single thing in life: "I want to spoil my mom. I think I'm going to spoil my mom to death. That's one thing I'm looking forward to." They earned it. All of them.

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.

• Carmelo Anthony notched his second career triple-double (35 points, 12 boards, 10 assists) as the Knicks beat the Celtics 118-110. Evil Celtics forward Kevin Garnett told reporters he was impressed with Anthony's performance, but that it should only be another week or so before he starts to feel the weakening effects of long-term arsenic poisoning.
• In an interview with GQ magazine, Derrick Rose admitted that he's uncomfortable with his fame in Chicago, and the lifestyle doesn't suit his personality. "It's time to start keeping a lower profile," he said, "and it begins today ... with this GQ interview."

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.

• The NCAA accepted Baylor's self-imposed penalties for impermissible phone calls and text messages sent to recruits, and put the program on three years' probation. "If they think I need a phone to keep in touch with recruits, they're nuts," said men's coach Scott Drew, who then phoned his secretary demanding two Dixie cups and 100 million feet of string.
• An Associated Press review of Bobby Petrino's business phone records revealed that he texted Jessica Dorrell 4,300 times over the past seven months in a relationship that resulted in Petrino's dismissal from Arkansas after the two were involved in a motorcycle accident. The texts did include photo and video content, but Dorrell would neither confirm nor deny that Petrino sent her pictures of Brett Favre's penis.

I was a teenage John Calipari recruit. You have not read about me on Rivals.com. There are no YouTube compilations of me going off against Oak Hill Academy. I never even played for the man. But, in a fashion, the commitment I made to him lasted longer than any of the stops Calipari has made in his professional life.

When I was a kid, I knew a lot about college basketball (in so much as I memorized Street & Smith's College Basketball Annual). But when you're young, your allegiances aren't as logical and geographically rooted as they are when you grow up. I liked Syracuse because of Stephen Thompson and Sherman Douglas. I also liked Villanova because of Rollie Massimino's championship team. These things had no rhyme or reason; I just liked who I liked.

1. Rick Barry Angry Face
Dan Fierman was first to nominate this meme-worthy facial expression, then Bill Barnwell jumped in with this explanation: "I'm nominating Rick Barry for his role in trying to calm down the Warriors crowd during the Chris Mullin fiasco on Monday night, but specifically for his death glare in this photo. I saw this and I instantly started doing my homework, stopped asking my brother why he was hitting himself, apologized to everyone I've ever wronged, and broke up with every single one of his female descendants. Sorry, Mr. Barry!!!!!!"