Explain this one to me: The Olympics organizers probably gave away $300,000 of revenue per basketball session by not having courtside seats, and yet they scheduled Friday’s men’s basketball semifinals so that …
A. Spain and Russia played at 5 p.m. London time as the "early" game.
B. Everyone in the stadium then had to leave.
C. They cleaned the stadium.
D. America and Argentina played the "night" game at 9 p.m. for a new crowd.
Sounds super greedy, right? And yet … they surrounded all four sides of the court with empty space? Don’t worry, it was even dumber in person. Speaking of dumb, I should probably mention that Spain nearly blew the semifinal because Russia said, "Hey, we're going to swarm the Gasol brothers every time they get the ball, do you have a Plan B?" In the first half, the answer was "No!" And then everything changed, shots started falling, an inside-outside game materialized and Spain banged out an eight-point victory (and the silver medal at worst).
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.
Kevin Durant scored 17 of his 28 points in the third quarter as the U.S. dominated Argentina 126-97. Following the win, an extremely condescending Kobe Bryant autographed a basketball for Manu Ginobili and patted him on the head.
Jalen is back! After a couple weeks in London with Team USA, Jalen Rose returned to the Grantland Studio to give the people what they want.
With his trusty baseball bat slung over his shoulder, Jalen discussed his experience in London, what he thinks of the U.S. men's basketball team, the real differences between the NBA and international play, a conversation he had with coach Mike Krzyzewski, and more. Then he offered his opinion on some of the media's treatment of Gabby Douglas (“not cool”), Usain Bolt’s casual approach (“If I was going to run the 100 meters, I would not be winking at the camera”), and people claiming that there can only be one “Fab Five” (“Here’s the thing: I DON’T CARE!”). Oh yeah, then we talked about Rick Ross and I learned that Jalen has been in more music videos than all of the Flavor of Love contestants combined.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports over the weekend.
Usain Bolt won his second straight gold medal in the men's 100-meter dash, pulling away from the field and finishing in 9.63 seconds, an Olympic record. The victory had a somewhat odd conclusion as the famously egotistical Bolt spread both arms wide and leaped into the air, expecting to become the first human to fly, only to crash into fourth-place finisher Tyson Gay and curse him out for "standing on the runway like an idiot."
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Thursday.
Michael Phelps out-dueled Ryan Lochte in the 200-meter individual medley to win his 16th Olympic gold and 20th medal overall. A heartbroken Lochte told reporters that he was really sad to finish second, since the other swimmers told him the gold medal is the only one with chocolate inside, and he still can't get the foil off of his 400 IM gold.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.
With a silver medal in the 200-meter butterfly and a gold in the 4x200 freestyle relay, Michael Phelps now owns 19 Olympic medals, surpassing Soviet gymnast Larissa Latynina for the most medals of all time. When reached for comment via telephone, the 77-year-old Latynina couldn't be heard over my loud shouts of, "COLD WAR OVER! U-S-A! U-S-A!"
American swimmer Allison Schmitt won her third medal in London, and her first-ever gold, with a dominant, Olympic record performance in the 200-meter freestyle. She then enjoyed an awkward hot tub bath with a naked Kathy Bates. Hold on … am I thinking of Allison Schmitt, or the movie About Schmidt? It's definitely one or the other …
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on over the weekend.
In their first duel of the Olympics, Ryan Lochte dominated Michael Phelps to take gold in the 400-meter individual medley. "Sure, Ryan swam well," said an irritated Phelps, defending his legacy, "but has he ever mated with a dolphin? Because I have. I mated with a damn dolphin, and she came on to me."
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports over the weekend.
Adam Scott bogeyed the last four holes in an epic major collapse, and Ernie Els sunk a birdie putt on 18 to win the British Open by a single stroke. "Looks like I've got a new friend," said a smiling Jean Van de Velde, who then struggled furiously to get out of the straitjacket he's been wearing for over a decade, screaming "friend!" in a terrifying, high-pitched voice, as orderlies rushed in to shut off the television.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports over the weekend.
Roger Federer defeated local hero Andy Murray in four sets to win his seventh Wimbledon title, tying Pete Sampras's record for the most all-time titles. But the champion angered the crowd during Murray's emotional post-match speech when he kept leaning over with a dumb grin and urging Murray to "do the Braveheart monologue." Murray ignored him the best he could, but as he choked up while thanking the crowd, Federer could be heard off camera shouting "freeedoommmm!" and giggling.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.
The NCAA accepted Baylor's self-imposed penalties for impermissible phone calls and text messages sent to recruits, and put the program on three years' probation. "If they think I need a phone to keep in touch with recruits, they're nuts," said men's coach Scott Drew, who then phoned his secretary demanding two Dixie cups and 100 million feet of string.
An Associated Press review of Bobby Petrino's business phone records revealed that he texted Jessica Dorrell 4,300 times over the past seven months in a relationship that resulted in Petrino's dismissal from Arkansas after the two were involved in a motorcycle accident. The texts did include photo and video content, but Dorrell would neither confirm nor deny that Petrino sent her pictures of Brett Favre's penis.
