In case you were out walking your dog, really walking him, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.
LeBron James netted his first game-winning shot since coming to Miami, and the Heat ran their winning streak to 16, beating the Orlando Magic, 97-96. "He's a bad man," Magic point guard Jameer Nelson said after the game. "That's gotta be the baddest thing a man has done in Florida since well probably not that long."
Miami isn't the only team in pro sports with an impressive winning streak. The Chicago Blackhawks have now reached the midpoint of the shortened NHL season without a loss in regulation, getting a last-minute, game-winning goal from Daniel Carcillo to beat the Colorado Avalanche, 3-2. The streak has gotten so much attention that NHL commissioner Gary Bettman commented on it publicly, saying, "I really shouldn't say this, but for the sake of our sport, I hope they run the table all season. Nothing would bring me more pleasure than recognizing that amazing effort by putting an asterisk next to it in the record book." Bettman then kicked an adorable golden retriever puppy named Scruffles on the way home to his mansion. He then congratulated himself on a day well-spent by pouring a bottle of Opus One Cabernet on a rug before demanding his servants clean it up.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.
Red-hot Mariners ace Felix Hernandez tossed a five-hit, complete game shutout as the M's squeaked by the Twins 1-0. In related news, Las Vegas is now a bankrupt ghost town after more than 100 million gamblers placed significant bets on the Mariners-Twins game ending 1-0.
Patriots shell out more money to pass catchers, continue blatant taunting of Wes Welker
Every bit of this Karen Guregian blog post for the Boston Herald is so perfectly Bill Belichick that I don’t think anything could make me happier. It starts with the news of Aaron Hernandez’s new $40 million extension, which comes on the heels of Wes Welker’s very public griping about his own contract situation. It’s no secret that Belichick’s Pats have never let loyalty get in the way of business matters, but an apparent willingness to jettison Welker is a far cry from dealing Deion Branch. Welker has caught at least 110 passes in four of his five seasons in New England, including a 122-catch, 1,500-yard 2011 campaign. Allowing Welker to walk would take the Patriot Way to an entirely different place — the place where we might finally be able to conclude that Belichick has lost his mind.
1. J.R. Smith, CTU Special Agent
How was your Thanksgiving? Did Aunt Jean get red-wine lips and make racist jokes? Did your 22-year-old cousin from Delaware just discover the word "swag" and proceed to say, "swag, swag, swag" every time he took a bite of cranberry sauce? Did your grandfather shear off his hand with a carving knife? Well, you still don't have J.R. Smith beat. First he copped himself a knee injury and now my dude IS LOCKED UP. IN CHINA. Kind of. According to reports, Smith, along with Kenyon Martin and Wilson Chandler, will not be let out of his Chinese hoops contract. The fact that J.R. Smith has something in common with Jack Bauer basically just solidifies his status as an American folk hero. Let's hope he was taking notes on all these moves.
Last week, the Philadelphia Eagles pulled off the NFL free-agency equivalent of buying out the bar. They signed defensive end Jason Babin, defensive tackle Cullen Jenkins, quarterback Vince Young, and free agency’s crown jewel, cornerback Nnamdi Asomugha. This was front office bottle-popping that would have earned a slack-jawed round of applause from a ’94-era Diddy.