PART 1 ♦ PART 2 ♦ PART 3 ♦ PART 4 ♦ PART 5 ♦ PART 6 ♦ PART 7 ♦ PART 8 ♦ PART 9 ♦ PART 10 ♦ PART 11 ♦ PART 12 ♦ PART 13 ♦ PART 14 ♦ PART 15 ♦ PART 16

Here's what I was talking about earlier: These auction houses that swallow up the convention with their you-can-look-but-you-can't-buy merchandise. I'm showing you SCP Auctions because …

… they're working with Julius Erving to hawk his MVP trophies, jerseys, championship rings, sneakers, you name it. I find it profoundly depressing that one of the most influential basketball players ever needs to do this. Let's just move on.

Yet another eye-opening auction piece. There's an 88 percent chance that Gordon's first wife snuck this out of the house during their acrimonious divorce.

(Oh, God. I gotta fight it … it's too easy … I can't do it …)

(Although I don't know how much longer I can fight it off …)

(Please, God, give me the strength …)

"I want to kiss you. I could care less about the team struggling … I just want to kiss you!"

(Dammit.)

Speaking of wanting to kiss people, here's a picture of me and the real-life Dottie from A League of Their Own (the character that Geena Davis played). She had a women's baseball collector's booth — over her left shoulder, that's a jersey autographed by every living female baseball player from the 1940s. Check out how happy I am in the photo. Please, don't forget that I'm an enormous loser. Not for one second.

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