Per the boss' orders, Quotes of the Day/Week/Whatever makes its glorious return! We decided to make it Quotes of the Month this time, but we're not sure if that'll stick. (We're reviving this feature from the dead, so cut us some slack for now, OK?) Many thanks to our intern, Jovan Buha, who compiled these, and thanks to all the Friends of Grantland who sent us quotes. Our favorites are below.
If you have a contribution for the next edition, send us an e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org. (Subject line: "Quotes of the Whatever.")
"Chemistry is something that you don't just throw in the frying pan and mix it up with another something, then throw it on top of something, then fry it up and put it in a tortilla and put in a microwave, heat it up and give it to you and expect it to taste good. You know? For those of you who can cook, y'all know what I'm talking about. If y'all can't cook, this doesn't concern you."
-- Kevin Garnett, on the NBA schedule
"I hate them all."
— Blackhawks center Dave Bolland, when asked if he disliked the Sedins or the entire Vancouver Canucks team
"When you have comments like Bolland's, he's obviously an individual whose IQ is probably the size of a bird seed, and he has a face that only a mother can look at."
— Canucks coach Alain Vigneault, in response to Bolland's comments
"The linesman, he'll watch it tonight, when his wife's making him a bacon sandwich and he'll think: 'F*** me what have I done there today?'"
-- Spurs boss Harry Redknapp
"Mitch traded Kwame [Brown] for Pau, so he’s kind of earned a license to do whatever the hell he wants."
— Kobe Bryant on Lakers GM Mitch Kupchak
"The negativity is not a positive for our team."
— UCLA coach Ben Howland, on the dismissal of forward Reeves Nelson
"The head coach of the Memphis Tigers ... John Calipari!"
— poor Memphis PA guy. Sorry, guy.
"I wish ... 37-year-old John Rocker could go back and punch 23-year-old John Rocker in his face."
— Former pitcher John Rocker
"You’re fighting a bully. David Stern is a bully, you can’t really go up against him.”
— Deron Williams
"It's not true that the owners killed the deal, the deal was never discussed at the Board of Governors meeting and the league office declined to make the trade for basketball reasons."
— NBA spokesman Mike Bass
"I am not postponing my dream of playing in the NFL just so that I can have one more year of college life. I am staying because I want to finish what I started."
— USC quarterback Matt Barkley
"Where's James Harrison when you need him?"
— Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, as a fan ran onto the field during the Candlestick Park blackout
"When David Stern says there's going to be a nuclear winter, I'm thinking the season isn't starting anytime soon. So a little more martinis in November and then, boom, David Stern says no nuclear winter and we have a season."
— Metta World Peace
“I think it’s wonderful that our students look up to sports heroes such as Mr. Tebow, but we can’t allow students to create unsafe situations in school.”
— Riverhead School Superintendent Nancy Carney, on students Tebowing
"I love the Tebow talk. Sometimes I even cheers my brewski to Timothy."
— Joakim Noah
“Was there a lockout? I don’t know, I wasn’t even watching the news, I wasn’t affected by the lockout, I don’t have money problems. Yeah I wasn’t playing basketball, but I can’t control that. I was doing my music stuff at the time.”
— Stephen Jackson
"It is still my goal to hire excellent coaches, recruit great student-athletes who want to be a part of this program and to win on and off the field. The NCAA penalties will serve as a reminder that the college experience does not include the behavior that led to these penalties."
— Urban Meyer on Ohio State's NCAA penalties
"If you have the opportunity to acquire one of the greatest offensive players of his generation, you move."
— Angels GM Jerry Dipoto on Albert Pujols
"Don't burn that Pujols T-shirt or jersey! Bring it to 2105 McCausland. We'll donate it to a charity in Anaheim. Seriously."
— Tweet from a St. Louis-area church, following the Pujols trade.
"It's about to be "'Lob City'!"
— Blake Griffin
"Those two guys got to have banner years — Gasol and Bynum — because Kobe can't carry the load. You can't expect him to be carrying the load night-in and night-out. They're going to look to those two big men to control the paint, give Kobe a break."
— Magic Johnson on Lakers
"It wasn't about going to New Orleans. It was just about how they did it. I felt a little disrespected. After being here for so long and going through so many things, I felt like they could have just told me and I probably would have accepted it. If someone is telling you that you can't be here or there's no more room for you, you got to understand that. I think because it's just how they did it is the reason why I took it so personal."
— Lamar Odom
"Every day that goes by I regret the decisions I made by following bad advice. We are human, we make mistakes, we are not perfect. Everybody deserves a chance to show he has changed."
— Manny Ramirez
"Looking at Trent you would think he's a cold-hearted kind of guy, but the guy is really a sweetheart." — Tyrann Mathieu on Trent Richardson
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